deepundergroundpoetry.com
so tell me,
So tell me
because I want your approval
a nod
a smile
a sign of agreement
I would take them all if I could
lock them away
and save them for worse days
or days like today
when I can't help
but being a sap
and using too many pro nouns
and I say I want to hold you
and you say it's unrealistic
and you tell me dreams are pointless
exhale
so tell me
because I want your approval
a nod
a smile
a sign of agreement
because I want your approval
a nod
a smile
a sign of agreement
I would take them all if I could
lock them away
and save them for worse days
or days like today
when I can't help
but being a sap
and using too many pro nouns
and I say I want to hold you
and you say it's unrealistic
and you tell me dreams are pointless
exhale
so tell me
because I want your approval
a nod
a smile
a sign of agreement
Published 4th Dec 2012
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
4th Nov 2013 6:42am
i can't always articulate what i like about a poem. sometimes it's just because it's a good poem, and maybe as garrison keillor once said, "good poems" is all the praise poems really need.
but right off the bat, before even reading it i felt very strongly that it would say whatever it was saying with a potent emotive value and quite possibly a fair amount of skill--judging by the way the poem looked on the page. it seems i assumed correctly on both counts.
...but i would like to mention an issue with something in the middle of the second stanza:
"when I can't help/
but being a sap/
and using.."--you're saying you "can't help but" "being" and "using"--that doesn't seem to read quite right..though it seems to fit the rhythm well.
but right off the bat, before even reading it i felt very strongly that it would say whatever it was saying with a potent emotive value and quite possibly a fair amount of skill--judging by the way the poem looked on the page. it seems i assumed correctly on both counts.
...but i would like to mention an issue with something in the middle of the second stanza:
"when I can't help/
but being a sap/
and using.."--you're saying you "can't help but" "being" and "using"--that doesn't seem to read quite right..though it seems to fit the rhythm well.
