Falling

When its good, its really good.
at the start of her I wasn't so sure,
could it truly be her?
the love
the answer
the cure
the one.
she took my hand, swept me up and away.
so. far. away.
we flew as if it were just us two.
me cradled in her arms, silky hair draped my shoulders like a shawl.
oblivious to my surroundings i didn't see what lay ahead.
don't let me fall.
so.
far.
down.
she grabs me with her hands
oh so small
then swoops me away from what inhabits my mind
like a claw.
she is sharp. stunning. fierce. cold. fast.
so very fast.
and this is all happening so fast...
then i begin to drift.
scared.
terrified.
petrified.
and she puts her lips on mine, looks me straight in the eyes
reassures me and says she knows this will last.
i am warm. loved. happy. safe.
with her.
i am falling.
for her.
but it feels so good.
until it doesn't.
because you see when its bad, its really bad.
its the end of her. of us. the best i ever had.
all i can smell
death.
all i can see
death.
all i can feel
death.
all that i want
you.
and death.
it exhausts my body to take even one breath
without you.
so i stare down the barrel of this gun
and my last thought is a prayer for you,
the love of my life, the one.
may you find your love
happiness
peace.
and i think of your hand cradling my cheek.
and i smile.
man, its been awhile.
to be exact it's been fifty days and fifty nights
away from the woman supposed to be my wife.
but its okay, this trigger will keep my finger warm.
i just need to pull.
pull
PULL.
i didnt mean to cause any harm.
i just want you to know how sorry i am
and when you see my bloody body aside this firearm,
please know i am safe
flying high
in her arms.