last words

oo, the madness of quiet... this one brings it out.

personally, i think you should just end "starts" with no punctuation because the reader can take it as the double-meaning "stop" it feels it may have suggested. otherwise, good show telling a past, present and future all in a few words. [:

Yay...thanks J for the love on a smaller, more chewing-gum piece....I'm sure I had a point at the time :-)

hh

The title makes me think it's a suicide poem, like something a Juliet would say over a Romeo's corpse, given that it's classed as love. Yet at the same time the narrative voice feels mature and sardonic. Whatever it is it's strangely effective and haunting. The only recommendation I'd make is that you put commas after the first three lines, as I think that would beef up the rhythm. JMHO. Thanks for the read.

Ah jack....it's commas at dawn at 30 paces...argghhhh :-)

Yes, it could easily have tipped over into soemthing dark, but is/was an expression of the joy....

Love havin' you around man.

hh

Yes... very mature, and effective. Opaque, but has eliminated that " WTF ?" factor that tends to accompany a lot of obscure poetry.

Beautifully open to a variety of interpretations.

Nicely done indeed :)

Why thank you Maggie.

(every time I read that name a Rod Stewart song starts playin' in my head :-)

hh

No words needed at that moment, just the silence and the mind.

Speaks volumes this wonderful piece.

Ah, the silence of joy....say no more :-)

hh

Elegantly put.  So elusive, that inner peace.

All depends on your friday night budget....and procurment issues :-)

Cheers man, for leaving your marks.

hh

just then,  
and I mean just then,
 
I've been thinking a bit about your line break observation yesterday. I've broke this one up a couple of different ways and got very different results from each read.  
 
This one, you speak to the reader directly which felt like an out-stretched hand beckoning us to follow you into your mind, your peace.  
 
because of the size of the poem  I was left wanting. yes, the option is there to wander off into any of the branches coming off it.
 
what drug, what's starting, what do you see.. so many questions.
 
and that is why this one will keep giving.
 
 
good stuff man.
 
 
 
 

Good man Eamon...yes, the position of the breaks was chosen carefully...pleased that you are working to get a fuller understanding of how line breaks can ad/subtract/change...it's very interesting, and I'm no black belt at it.

This write is a little unusual for me, with the lack of 'story', but I reckon it's there anyway, in the experiences of the reader.....vanity surley :-)

Good man Eamon.

hh

Just then
and I mean, just then
I took a drug
and now, dear reader
I am utterly quiet inside  
  
and it's
here the beauty starts...

Only because it means i would be here on your page a few more seconds.. i try to get all i can out of your poetry. =)
  
  
  

Hey hey D....stay as long as you need baby :-)

hh

Mate...thank you for the earlier very generous and interesting comment, as well as this one. I love to hear a reader express where their mind takes them...it's such a personal thing, and a wonderful privelege to hear it expressed....you really did/have brought me joy :-)

hh.

Nice... Yes sir in the silence the magic happens. Sometimes you find the best things during the silence. Thank you for sharing. Enjoyed it.

No worries man...a pretty bauble at best, a spark of colours and gone, so let's leave it at that :-)

Good on you for swinging on by.

hh.

Wow what a way to make imagination go on a chase amazing!

Good on you for saying so man :-)

hh

hemi,

this is power-write & attempted with such confidence & depth to convey deeply felt emotion. though short scribes offer many doors of interpretation, something makes me feel its quite a single strong  focus on what you meant & what I believe in my take-away, quite different from short poems I had read.
Topic is an eye-opener & makes me forcibly equate it with drug in S1..ooh, I wont reveal more of what I feel in lightful realization!
roping in "quiet" & "beauty" does the needed magic to this piece & the manipulated spaces b/w lines..needs appreciation in all ways!
thank you fr this read:)

Good on you baby...there is beauty in the gaps, and sometimes we're lucky enough to see it :-)

hh.

Cheers my dear...written in the perfect moments that are expressed here...

hh