Trust Issues (Part 2)

I want to tell you
what I want to tell you
but to tell you
would be to say.

And I can't say
what I need to say
because I need to tell you
that I can't talk about it
because it hurts too badly
to say it out loud
because I don't feel
that I have someone to talk to
and it's the loneliness
of not being able to talk
that takes me down
and I don't know how
to get out of this cycle
of not being able to be able.

IF I tell you this
and you do me wrong
I swear to God
I won't be able to go on,
but if I don't say it
then I swear I will pop,
so do I burn,
or blow up
or die so very lonely
or just give up
or go on
and yet I can't?

Okay, I'll tell you
but don't laugh,
even though
in my own nervousness
I myself laugh
because it's so painful
that if I don't laugh
I swear I will cry.

I was weak
and I trusted
and it took me down
and now I am broken
and this is why
I don't know
and can't take it,
and I just don't know
what to do.

It's so silly,
and I 'm foolish,
so just kill me,
and make it all go away.

What if I had to learn
to live with it,
that would be awful,
and a misery of living?

And in the end
that would only be life.

runningturtle87