Happy Birthday for a Ghost

It's hard to find an asshole you
Connect with on every level
When hate is only confusion
And anger over something you can't
Even imagine to control for a day
When hail satan really means
Fairytales just don't live up to
The expectations of a broken
Home and we all understand
Eachothers pain 'cause we've all
Been wallowing in filth for who the
Fuck knows how long
 
When you're young all you want  
Is to be treated like an adult
But your not, so you imatate the
Actions of an addict while rebelling
Against the limitations of a teenager
But maturity comes with a price
When the day reality incinerates your
Conscious that your no longer that
Adolescent fighting for that freedom
Of escaping the cage of a pigeon
With crippled wings, but now the  
Owl with cynical clarity of the same
Wretched hatred for a life that seems  
Just as meaningless as the first day
The kitten in you opened your eyes
To the shit constantly kicked in your face
 
As the years progress it all begins
To look like the same repetitive cycle
Depression
Malice
Numb
Slight optimism
Deteriorated motives
Depression
Malice
Numb
Deteriorated motives
Malice
Numb
Numb
Numb
Malice
Depression
 
You never really outgrow the need
For grasping hold of that empty
Moment when nothing really matters
That gorgeous high when tranquility
Is the minds eye of atramentous  
Empty thoughts and jaded perception
 
 
Heh..
 
 
 
 
Yeah..
 
 
I love that shit
It's like having the power button  
Jacked up for a few hours of desolate
Internal liberty without the hassle of
The humane inclination to nostalgia
That eats away until all the looking  
Glass emanates is self inadequacy
 
I wonder if some people are just
Born reclusive or if experience
And society have just beaten them
Into a solitary submission
Loathing the very species they share
Disgusting genetics with no matter
How hard they try to separate  
Themselves from a vile, poor excuse
Of a so called superior race
 
I refer to myself in that context one
Could say if they dared the mundane
process of actually attempting to
Get to know who this vessel of
An impregnated serpentine really is
This controversial snake of accepting deceit
When all I do despise humanity yet
Cherish the few friends I have with
Unbearable desire to see them happy
 
It's hard when emotional attachments die
Especially when family no longer
Means the tie of blood and abandonment
When your siblings are the night
Walkers who share substance and
Animosity with you in the streets
It's soul crushing to be the sole  
Reason the most important person
You might have loved died Even more so
When another friend, regardless
Of how insignificant they seemed
For a time, also falls victim to a
Reaper with invisible hourglass
Decisions
 
It's ironic how suicide fails, multiple  
Occasions, only so one can descend
Into turmoil to rip and claw blood
To redeem who you once where
From a pit that only gets deeper
Just so you can watch every motivator
You had to convince yourself grief
Mends with the taunting hands of  
Time fall into the deceased caress
Of coffins with dyslexic names  
 
Maturity comes with a fickle price
I'm (blessed?)(cursed?) with another
Year of age next month, yet Matt  
Turned 21 today with his only
Recognition the indulgence of
Maggots against putrid flesh
Perhaps he's found the Nirvana
We all fantasized about in Zachs
Party shack, no longer bound by
The cycle we, the breathing  
(suffocating),  
Still revolve around
Lilly as well, who fucking knows?
Happy birthday bro
Just remember I'm right there with you
Withering away in that cemetery  
With each godless day that passes