deepundergroundpoetry.com
What Lays Beneath
Sitting in the sky
staring at the
silver pool across the way
disjointed images of a broke down palace
only me
the only one here yet I'm
not alone
She's found me yet again
Friend or Foe?
Enemy...
No!
friend then
a certain ally who has my face
a
Carbon Copy-of sorts
Gazing through my soul from afar
who is she?
this
Scarred Maiden
as
lovely within as she's
hideous without
the Mistress of shadows that
run to the marrow.
Secrets left untold that
only she knows.
staring at the
silver pool across the way
disjointed images of a broke down palace
only me
the only one here yet I'm
not alone
She's found me yet again
Friend or Foe?
Enemy...
No!
friend then
a certain ally who has my face
a
Carbon Copy-of sorts
Gazing through my soul from afar
who is she?
this
Scarred Maiden
as
lovely within as she's
hideous without
the Mistress of shadows that
run to the marrow.
Secrets left untold that
only she knows.
Published 14th Nov 2012
| Edited 15th Nov 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 5
reads 731
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
15th Nov 2012 1:36am
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Didn't like your ending. It was too much the nice, neat, little bow on the gift. The opening stanza, that was real nice...the hook for what was to come. This was a solid piece; reminded me of circle dance. Write more.
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Didn't like your ending. It was too much the nice, neat, little bow on the gift. The opening stanza, that was real nice...the hook for what was to come. This was a solid piece; reminded me of circle dance. Write more.
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Thanxx for the input, I feel like I'm doing something wrong, or...not so much wrong as that my writing is just missing something. N-e wayz I tried to mod the ending a bit, take a look if you don't mind and tell me where I'm going wrong with it. I really appreciate your feedback, it helps me to see where I can improve myself.
~ Mystic ~
~ Mystic ~
15th Nov 2012 5:25pm
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gotta remember; my input is ONLY my opinion. worth about as much as an eraser on a pencil. One can use it, or not use it, get it right the first time or scratch away! I believe that's the writer's call not the reader's. Feel me? If you like your beginning, your middle, your ending...then who am I to say? I'm just another reader with an opinion. Just keep that in mind. I re-read this drop, overall I like it; if you'd like, I'll text you when I get a chance with some technical follow up in terms of what I saw and didn't see. let me know
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gotta remember; my input is ONLY my opinion. worth about as much as an eraser on a pencil. One can use it, or not use it, get it right the first time or scratch away! I believe that's the writer's call not the reader's. Feel me? If you like your beginning, your middle, your ending...then who am I to say? I'm just another reader with an opinion. Just keep that in mind. I re-read this drop, overall I like it; if you'd like, I'll text you when I get a chance with some technical follow up in terms of what I saw and didn't see. let me know
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Yeah that would be cool, and true that it's only your opinion but I see what you're saying, I understand it and can use it. B'cuzz trust me if I didn't agree with your opinion I would read it, thank you for the comment and move on, but I've learned a few thing about myself as a writer already based on the comments you've posted. Plus, so far I believe your the only one who has told me honestly what you didn't like about my work. :D Much Appreciation
~ Mystic ~
~ Mystic ~
16th Dec 2014 8:13pm
