deepundergroundpoetry.com
I'd Fall Apart
You know I'd fall apart when your not here
The one I love, I hold so dear
To hold your hand, and walk side by side
The emotions we share are ours to dye
A prism of colors, from red to violet
A woman so beautiful, you'd leave me silent
To the point where a man would lose oneself
Fighting against no-one but myself
Tragic as it may seem I'd fall apart
When our eyes met, and our love would start
The attraction we had was as strong as time
A love to be, ever so sublime
So if you left, I'd fall apart
A feeling so sad, it'd break ones heart
Stay with me now, for what we have is true
A love so strong, we fall right through.
The one I love, I hold so dear
To hold your hand, and walk side by side
The emotions we share are ours to dye
A prism of colors, from red to violet
A woman so beautiful, you'd leave me silent
To the point where a man would lose oneself
Fighting against no-one but myself
Tragic as it may seem I'd fall apart
When our eyes met, and our love would start
The attraction we had was as strong as time
A love to be, ever so sublime
So if you left, I'd fall apart
A feeling so sad, it'd break ones heart
Stay with me now, for what we have is true
A love so strong, we fall right through.
Published 8th Nov 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
8th Nov 2012 9:27pm
It's very appealing when someone can be so honest with their feelings as you have been in this poem.
Because you have love that is strong and true, I am sure she will "stay with you now." Welcome to DUP and keep writing!
Because you have love that is strong and true, I am sure she will "stay with you now." Welcome to DUP and keep writing!
9th Nov 2012 3:42pm
It's a good one, just need a little bit polishing...
I'm just a little bit confused with this line:
"The emotions we share are ours to dye" - since you're in a rhytmic pattern, it doesn't rhyme with
"side," just sayin' :)
That's OK though, because just like myself I have broken a lot of rules in poetry 'coz I'm not a poetry man and doesn't know the rules.
I'm just a little bit confused with this line:
"The emotions we share are ours to dye" - since you're in a rhytmic pattern, it doesn't rhyme with
"side," just sayin' :)
That's OK though, because just like myself I have broken a lot of rules in poetry 'coz I'm not a poetry man and doesn't know the rules.
9th Nov 2012 4:23pm
This is not really a pure rhyme, but a near rhyme. It has the same sound if you say it to yourself, or outloud. That way I could keep the flow of the poem, and it wouldnt break apart. I appreciate the comment.
