The Word and Verse                                                   Nov - 2012 -P--2  

The word and verse is an independent publication put together
by  members of DU for the purposes of entertainment and is in no
way intended to offend or cause outbursts of suicide.      -Nov 2012- P-2



Savage eye

People say advice on the internet is wasted. Well how's about this little transformation?
Not all that many months ago our very own Levi had a problem, he couldn't interact with people and was socially awkward, now he's running his own suicide prevention agency.

We put this down to the beautiful advice given to him by Judas of the cruel hands  (no..stop laughing, this is serious) and we wish Levi every success in his mission of saving the tweens from themselves, and no, we never suspected for one minute that it was a ploy to get distressed females to contact him.

Ahh, the old adage of favoritism has reared it's ugly head again, this time by newbie Broom Hilda, god sakes, if you can't depend on friends for a few trophies now and again... How are we all supposed to knuckle down and write something worthwhile?

Few issues going on there Mrs. Broom: have you spoken to Levi yet? It doesn't make sense to have the Taliban as an enemy when you've got no friends.

Come out, come out where ever you are! Come on Goodest, we know you're here. Show yourself and shame the devil you old hoot.

And now folks. a minute silence for our fallen comrades: Indie ~Bong~  Rachel ~Bong~  PTM ~Bong~  DP ~Bong~  Falco ~Bong~ after them five bongs I've forgotten who else is missing.

Oh the tears were flowing here at HQ with the news of the break up of what must be DU's fairytale happening. Yes, the Muglette was near inconsolable on hearing the news and she sniffed out our stash of chocolate and ate it while she cried. Diddi, you owe us fifteen Mars bars and two quarts of choco chip ice cream. If you don't pay up pronto we'll send them fellows again... remember them?

Dirty tricks are afoot at the top of the DU charts. Yes folks, I shit you not. In an exclusive interview with Mr Alptraum, allegedly, bully tactics were being used by the lepperochan to muscle his way to number one. Don't give in Mr A, far as we know the IRA de-commissioned a number of years ago, so unless he's gonna get Westlife or Jedward to sing you to death you'll be just fine. Either way, some Joker is clinging to number one for dear life ...to soon?

"Nothing intoxicates some people like a sip of authority" - L Ron Hubbard, and it would seem our Jesta is drunk as a skunk with this new boiler room. Yes, that lady boils threads quicker than them witch doctor folk boil human skulls. Aww, we love you Jesta, but come on! Easy there, tiger.

Let's laugh at ourselves, and when we are in the middle of laughing at ourselves let's go to war with each other over laughing at ourselves. Oh Judas of the cruel hands, we think it's all a front and you secretly care for orphaned bunnies in-between soup runs for the homeless and chewing dinner for the old folk on your street; we expect to see you earning a knighthood before the year is out.


-SR
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 Headline "The Mugglette-ette."

Introducing muglette-ette (the poetic, drama queen of politics) Oh yes! DU’s very own Dame Edna if you will, complete with synthetic boobs and ruler length eyelashes. Dahlings, I’ve been surfing this palace and I’ve found your questions, done the walk of the world to find the answers for you.

Question 1. dahlings came from “Wing” and a string of digital DNA.

Her question positioned perfectly in her poem…
“Why does no one else write poems about cheese?”
Well my sweet, it took hours to answer this and well I have found two answers for you, firstly, because that would be plagiarism, Baby; cheese is your topic and no amount of Gouda in the world can take that away from you. Also of course no one else can find the cheese and after consultation with Dr. Spencer Johnson it turns out, that up until today, Dahling, no one has confirmed the answer as to who exactly moved the cheese.
So I’m afraid I have to answer your question with a question my sweet child, “did you move the cheese?” Now I must add that if you have the cheese, Dahling, please don’t kill it, please. There are far too many deaths around this, the poetic drag palace.

Which leads me to question 2 my baby boys and girls, from “Koutnis” followed by kisses.

She asked us, why mascara smears. I think she means runs, but smears is just as apt, if it is actually leaking -- Dahling, you need to close the cap properly; I sometimes get Cruelhandedwriter (Panama Judas) to close them for me, you know he has those very strong hands, and oh, Dahling, they are so very useful. But if it’s running in the first place, it is cheep mascara, my child, then I’d suggest you just delete it and run over to www.very-good-mascara.com and purchace a dry film mascara. On the other hand you could, my Dahling, just stop crying so much. Cry less, write more, that would do you the world of good.

Not to mention the dried up sap of the touring Aussie currently in Mumbai, oh my dahlings, I nearly died when I read his poem that asked “Why Cybersex is popular”?

Well Dahling, to be quite frank, if you weren’t so damn ugly (and you must be, Love, otherwise you’d slap picture on your keyhole). You might find it completely unnecessary. Try a little charm and charisma in the mix, that would make life a little easier for you. But there is no need to feel dirty about it; millions of Nigerian pimps are posing as hot girls to try get a little Yahoo action from, and they are all willing. Just remember to keep a towel handy if you find yourself in the same room as some of the alter egos around here.

Our newest South African poet, the fool which is poetic asked why her lover never answers her.

Well darling, I get it, with the total lack of infrastructure and telecommunication in South Africa it could be hard, nearly impossible really, to call your lover -- not that the post office is any better… can I suggest pigeons? Yes, pigeons worked well for years, Dahling. Just tie the note on the pigeon's foot and give it a scare and it will fly away Dahling… just don’t happen to be underneath it at potty time.

Well that’s it from me the Mugglette-ette, my dahlings, and probably for some time, I’m getting flack from the Mugglettes here at Muggle HQ. A word of advice, if I may: don’t trust anyone in the big sea of DU, they’ll start writing poetry at you and when that starts, you’ll probably find pictures of the asshole’s asshole in your inbox, Dahling.

-xxx-

Her, the Dahling of Mugglette-ette


Reference works:
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/73751-poets-have-been-mysteriously-silent-on/
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/74089-answer-me/
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/73346-does-your-mascara-ever-smear/
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/70942-cybersex/

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This edition we're having a peek at one of our members whose been busy with projects. The first, Panama Judas wrote, produced and released his own album earlier this year.

A few words from Jamie:


'What needs to be said, and how to say it' is the constipated brain fart of Panama Judas. It was written, performed, recorded and mastered single-handedly (apart from the handful of other musicians who offered a hand to protect his sanity)

It was recorded over the space of about two years, with most of the work happening in the last six months within a room not much bigger than a double bed.

The album is a bit of a 'fuck off' to everything. Those who know my writing will have the gist already. Why get distraught when you can have one of the UK's finest harmonica players standing next to you waiting to belt out a solo with a big smile on his face!

There's links and things... Lot's of snippets dancing over the internet, so if you're not sure, there's enough help to make your mind up. Anyone, it was a pleasure to make, and a pleasure to see it as a finished product, so why not grab a copy? I can always use the cash.


You can get a preview of some of his songs here:
http://www.myspace.com/panamajudas

and here:
http://www.youtube.com/user/LemonYellowDonkey


and you can order your copy here :
http://panamajudas.weebly.com/


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Well folks, that's about it for this edition. As usual we thank you for being good sports and for your continued support.

We welcome our newest addition to the team, Muglette-ette, (who has already proven 'her'self useful) and congratulations to the Heslopian on his coming out. Hope you enjoyed this edition. Peaces.