deepundergroundpoetry.com
A Girls One Night Stand
She wonders if it was love
that was made.
Or something less definate.
Or both. Maybe.
She lay awake afterwards
on her single bed-
her body half on half off-
acutely awake and aware
of the mans
breathing.
Her legs lay naked and exposed-
as he had the blanket.
and sleep never came-
but the sun did.
She rested her head on her arm-
as he had the pillow.
and could taste her breath-
sweet and stale.
Tongue swollen
and dry
and wishing for water.
Getting up-
noting to change
her white ruffled sheet
and bedspread.
Looking back
she would wonder-
how he slept
so easily
in a strangers bed.
that was made.
Or something less definate.
Or both. Maybe.
She lay awake afterwards
on her single bed-
her body half on half off-
acutely awake and aware
of the mans
breathing.
Her legs lay naked and exposed-
as he had the blanket.
and sleep never came-
but the sun did.
She rested her head on her arm-
as he had the pillow.
and could taste her breath-
sweet and stale.
Tongue swollen
and dry
and wishing for water.
Getting up-
noting to change
her white ruffled sheet
and bedspread.
Looking back
she would wonder-
how he slept
so easily
in a strangers bed.
Published 1st Nov 2012
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1st Nov 2012 2:12pm
A point of view often overlooked, and necessary.
A few tweaks: spacing and apostrophes.
A Girl's One Night Stand
She wonders if it was love
that was made.
Or something less definite.
Or both. Maybe.
She lay awake afterwards
on her single bed-
her body half on half off-
acutely awake and aware
of the man's
breathing.
Her legs lay naked and exposed-
as he had the blanket.
and sleep never came-
but the sun did.
She rested her head on her arm-
as he had the pillow.
She could taste her breath-
sweet and stale.
Tongue swollen
and dry
and wishing for water.
Getting up-
noting to change
her white ruffled sheet
and bedspread.
Looking back
she would wonder-
how he slept
so easily
in a stranger's bed.
I reread this line....noting to change several times to be clear.... the spacing was off..maybe this will help. Good perspective.
A few tweaks: spacing and apostrophes.
A Girl's One Night Stand
She wonders if it was love
that was made.
Or something less definite.
Or both. Maybe.
She lay awake afterwards
on her single bed-
her body half on half off-
acutely awake and aware
of the man's
breathing.
Her legs lay naked and exposed-
as he had the blanket.
and sleep never came-
but the sun did.
She rested her head on her arm-
as he had the pillow.
She could taste her breath-
sweet and stale.
Tongue swollen
and dry
and wishing for water.
Getting up-
noting to change
her white ruffled sheet
and bedspread.
Looking back
she would wonder-
how he slept
so easily
in a stranger's bed.
I reread this line....noting to change several times to be clear.... the spacing was off..maybe this will help. Good perspective.
1st Nov 2012 2:28pm
thank you again for your comment. when presenting my poems to others i am usually speaking them- so it is hard sometimes to present it written the same way it sounds in my head. if that makes any sense. my downfall has always been spelling and grammer.. i try to get the rhythm to come through- as most of my poems dont rhyme. thank you again! i can always use constructive criticism.
Anonymous
2nd Nov 2012 12:55pm
<< post removed >>
2nd Nov 2012 2:15pm
