mother death

The first half of the poem was good, but then it exploded into sheer meteoric brilliance in the second half. The flower stem image, as well as the narrator's questioning of Mother Death, his threat to burn her cunt with the torch, was simply divine. The metaphorical leaps you make here are daring and exquisite.

i liked the flower scene too made it seem kinda fairy tale-ish.. and I was talking to laura about reusing the theme of burning off someones face and she said if you do it in a new way its ok to repeat yourself sometimes.. but I had a realization of really fucking her up (literally) fucked by fire.. no thanks.. she can have it.. heh glad you dig the piece

I agree with Jack, those four lines that started with climbing up the flower stem are stunning. The whole of the poem has this real fantasy/fairytale aspect to it like you said, which is my favourite thing about it, cause you know I'm a dreamer. But what I also think is interesting is how you describe this thing which you seem so bitter towards as 'mother' and talk about holding her dear to your heart. In a way, I think that's a bit sinister, like that idea of keeping your friends close, but your enemies closer.

I'm not sure why I kept her dear to my heart even though I was bitter towards her, tortured, and killer her in this verse.. I guess cause I finally get my way and get to leave so just say fuck it to everything else.. everything is forgiven.. like what we were talking about in an email.. if I had the chance to torture every enemy I've ever had or just go to the void.. I'd choose the void..

im giving you a rhetorical question for a comment : how can death be described as a mother? death takes away your life in contrast mother gives you life..
brilliant metaphor well done =]

i often make things female in my poems.. I don't know why.. I do see the contrast now though.. I suppose it's like mom saying in anger to her child "I brought you into this world and I can take you out" lol

Although I miss all that fariytale-esque imagery you cut out to make this shorter, I love this version...it does just what you intended: carries a real punch. That blunt accusatory tone plus that threatening anger plus that last chilling parting phrase = very dark shit :)

well i just started a new folder.. "tidbits of poetry" in which I'm going to be putting little lines that haven't grown into a poem yet and one of the lines I put in there was the serpent/flower part you and jack liked.. also put "i need my ego jerked-off" i like the line it just didn't seem to fit in mother death.. anyway thanks for getting it in my head that that was good imagery.. :D