deepundergroundpoetry.com
Mr. 187
Cross hair vision
I don't know this poor smuck
but he pissed off someone
Now he's outta luck
I gently squeeze the trigger
But the shot isn't loud
He drops to his knees
And attracts a large crowd
I don't know they're business
or why they're wanted dead
But i do have a family
that needs to be fed
I'm the best at what i do
And man i love the pay
But i work a 9 to 5
During the day
The people that i work for
i don't see the best in
But they have the money
So i don't ask questions
If you try to contact me
I am outta reach
I have the perfect alibi
Because i also teach
I don't know this poor smuck
but he pissed off someone
Now he's outta luck
I gently squeeze the trigger
But the shot isn't loud
He drops to his knees
And attracts a large crowd
I don't know they're business
or why they're wanted dead
But i do have a family
that needs to be fed
I'm the best at what i do
And man i love the pay
But i work a 9 to 5
During the day
The people that i work for
i don't see the best in
But they have the money
So i don't ask questions
If you try to contact me
I am outta reach
I have the perfect alibi
Because i also teach
Published 23rd Oct 2012
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comments 4
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
25th Oct 2012 00:38am
I think this piece would benefit from a lack of rhyme scheme. It is very heard to do rhyme right, and I think here the suspense or drama get's pulled away from the reader because of the rhyme. It also seems to limit the possibilities of the language, which is a shame since I like the idea you have here.
187
penal code
yeah, I get that
cross hair vision- nice construction
a good shot breaks from press (pressure) rather than squeeze (squeezing)
in words it seems a minor point
hittin' where you're pointin'- that's another thing
(the previous commenter has an "e" in the term "hard"- shooters tend to note things others let slide, I suppose)
penal code
yeah, I get that
cross hair vision- nice construction
a good shot breaks from press (pressure) rather than squeeze (squeezing)
in words it seems a minor point
hittin' where you're pointin'- that's another thing
(the previous commenter has an "e" in the term "hard"- shooters tend to note things others let slide, I suppose)
24th Aug 2013 9:56am
Well Nick a trigger squeeze is applying pressure....and I don't know what kind of shooter you are but you are not at the caliber you think you are. Hit the range POG
26th Aug 2013 7:54pm
Lol...
This poem has a smooth rhythm to it.
I enjoyed it and.found just a tad.humorous ..
Great Job
(^,..,^)
Darker
This poem has a smooth rhythm to it.
I enjoyed it and.found just a tad.humorous ..
Great Job
(^,..,^)
Darker
