Because Of My Choices

My mistakes are absolutely mine
there are no other feet at which to lay blame
for incorrect choices and rushed decisions
that ultimately ripped apart my trust
that inevitably crippled my soul
that left me scared and scarred

My history is occupied by many wrongs
Some done to me, some done by me
The wrong types of men
The wrong types of need
The wrong types of sacrifice

They say two wrongs don’t make a right
but three wrongs do make a cynic
out of a trusting little girl
who opened herself too quickly
who believed wolves wearing sheepskins
who became a bitch in order to survive

Regrets? What are those?
Wishes to change the unchangeable
I regret no decision I ever made
I regret no word I ever spoke
I regret no action I ever took
despite the suffering I endured
despite the horrors I survived
despite the fears plaguing me still

I wouldn’t be this capable
if things had been different for me
if I had not chosen as I did
if I had listened to other people’s warnings

I would lack the strength I possess
I would lack the character I demonstrate
I would lack the wisdom others seek
if my life had been easy
if I had otherwise adjudicated
if my heart had remained intact

But I am me because of my improper choices
and I am pretty fucking awesome