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One in the same

I run to my room
Hiding in the closet
Quietly weeping
I'm sorry I got excited
I'm sorry I started to hope
I'm sorry for feeling anything
If only I could close
My heart in a cage
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
So please stop hurting
Stop squeezing at our chest
I'm sorry
I can't stop
Our crimson blood
From flowing out now
I'm sorry I can't do anything
I'm sorry for everthing
I'm sorry for hurting you
I'm sorry for dying
Bleeding out
I know for you it hurts to care
But don't let me wake
Finding your not there
Our blood spells out
"I'm sorry
For feeling anything
At all"
I'm sorry that I almost came close
To sacraficing you
I'm sorry I did something
I should never do
I'm sorry
For not being able
To protect you
Protect us
One in the same

Written by FishCake

Published 20th Oct 2012 | Edited 22nd Oct 2012

All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.

likes 3 reading list entries 1

comments 13 reads 840

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The author encourages honest critique.

Re: One in the same

myhero

20th Oct 2012 4:54am

the plural form of speaking drew me to this. also the repetition. i love it.

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FishCake

20th Oct 2012 7:09pm

I'm glad that you read it and liked it （＾∇＾）
Thank you!

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Re: One in the same

Junco (H. D. Jaster)

20th Oct 2012 7:43am

I think this is a good start. Some of the more abstract lines draw me out a little bit, and there is a lot of "I'm sorry" which is ok, but it may be a little the excess. Keep working at this and try to tighten it up a bit. Right now there is a lot lines, and I think you can form in a way that reads a little easier and has a easier to follow narrative.