What Have I Gained

Did you mean it when you said I am special
that I was unique
that I was worth the extra effort

I want still to believe you did
but now I am not sure

Now I wonder if they were just pretty words
designed to make me want you
designed to make me trust you

Now I wonder if it was all a game
giving you power
giving you entertainment

Now I wonder if my eyes weren’t as open as I thought
if I was purposely blind
if I was purposely deceived

But to what end
What was your goal

What have you really gained
other than hurting me
other than confusing me

What have I really gained
other than more cynicism
other than more resolve

What am I going to do
to get over this
to get over you