deepundergroundpoetry.com
Helmet Head
I'm writing poetry for freaks to get banged to
I have a schlong the size of a bamboo
My load can give your hair more volume than shampoo
Who needs a damn noose
when I can use my flesh flute to hang you
I'm hung
but don't leave me hanging
Be my study
What's course without a little inter
Give me the lurps until your neck splinters
My bits are dangling
Lick your pits
that's tangy
I'm hung
but please don't leave me hanging
Butt plugs
No shit
Hit the switch so you can see my glow stick
I'm hung
but don't ever leave me hanging
I have a schlong the size of a bamboo
My load can give your hair more volume than shampoo
Who needs a damn noose
when I can use my flesh flute to hang you
I'm hung
but don't leave me hanging
Be my study
What's course without a little inter
Give me the lurps until your neck splinters
My bits are dangling
Lick your pits
that's tangy
I'm hung
but please don't leave me hanging
Butt plugs
No shit
Hit the switch so you can see my glow stick
I'm hung
but don't ever leave me hanging
Published 5th Oct 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 4
reads 927
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
5th Oct 2012 12:58pm
7th Oct 2012 00:05am
You know, like all art, it's only repulsive if you don't have anything relevant to say through it.
This actually has great potential.
But I'm not sure what your point was, and the rhyming didn't really work. Why don't you start with the repetitive "I'm hung, but don't leave me hanging"
Because that line is relevant. It like... it says that you're putting out there what you think he/she/it wants to know, and you're dependent and vulnerable because it that. If you beef up (no pun intended) that lead, you'll have something pretty fucking special.
This actually has great potential.
But I'm not sure what your point was, and the rhyming didn't really work. Why don't you start with the repetitive "I'm hung, but don't leave me hanging"
Because that line is relevant. It like... it says that you're putting out there what you think he/she/it wants to know, and you're dependent and vulnerable because it that. If you beef up (no pun intended) that lead, you'll have something pretty fucking special.
7th Oct 2012 10:01am
Thanks for the feedback Betty.I really suck at this form but I wanted to give it a crack and I think I enjoyed penning this down even though there was a fair amount of inebriation involved.
17th Oct 2013 10:21pm
Hilarious stuff, although I'm not entirely sure if that's what you were going for. It reminds me of some terrible hip-hop or something. Maybe you should avoid that sort of form.
