Delusional reality

I can barely breathe, let alone live.
with every step i take i feel death upon me more and more.
its after me and their is no escaping it once it finds me.
sometimes, it's much easier to drown than to save myself.
i've lost my urgency.
i have lost my desire to live.
i could be anywhere in the world and it would make no difference.
i'd still be gasping for breath in everything i do,
continuing to drown i think back on my hideous past.
and realize i have had nothing to show for my life.
i havent been living at all my personality was in hibernation.
while my mind was flying on auto pilot.
if i ever get out of this i promised myself i will live with all i am.
i will become someone even if it means i'm a no one.
if love was a competion i lost a long time ago.
what do i do now?
i'm drowning in a river of compassion.
i look up and begin to see the surface.
i attempt to stand up and as a baby learning to walk i fall,
i try again and this time succeed realizing the river was only ankle deep.
much of this world is not what it seems to be.
maybe we need to take a fresh brethe of air every once in a while.
to keep us sane to keep us planted.
to keep us normal in whatever delusionall reality we live in