slight relief

im staring
into deep and winding space.
im going through my thoughts.
sorting the good from the bad.
i remember the past, the nightmares,
and the never ending sorrow.

my eyes are getting warm.
and my vision distorts.
fake smiles passing me.
tears running down my cheek.
no one cares to look and help.

im basically screaming
my obsession with death and pain.
it drives me insane.
to know i have that power.
and i could let go at anytime.

i put a cigarette in my quivering lips.
flick the lighter. and that flame arises.
my slight uplift ignites.
for a short time it'll ease the pain.
but never as good as that rusty blade.