Hurting (for an ex)

I've come to realize my heart
is aching in the back of my mind,
but when I saw your face it was
pushed to the center of my chest.

It shook my body.
This pain.

I saw that I was still crying,
mourning because of the loss of you.

I'm sorry I couldn't give you
what you wanted.

I'm sorry I'm not who you wanted.
I'm sorry that I left myself hurting
by loving you.

I wonder at night if you have cried
over the loss of me.

But I know you haven't.

I pretend it's all okay, I smile,
I laugh, but it's all a mask.

When I see your face all that fragile
strength crumbles to the floor with
a few tears.

Your name is an acid running in my veins,
tightening my heart and making the hurt
come to me when I see you somewhere.

I wish I could just hear your voice again,
but I know that for me, you won't be there.

I'm sorry for what I couldn't do to make
you love me.

I'm sorry that I wasn't the girl you wanted
and that you couldn't bring your heart to
make those three words honest.

It's so hard to admit that I'm in pain from
saying goodbye, hard to admit I was loving
myself in walking away.

But those wise thoughts didn't stop the hurt.

I wish I could look into your eyes
and see you looking back at me.

But I know that's not reality.

And that's the worst hurt ever.