Instead of heaven

Instead of Heaven

The loneliness of 
a birdcall from a birdcage 
over the top of my head,
Neanderthal I feel,
White picket fences not 
Tears wetting a bit
Breath panting a little more 
Where are all the good poets 
Screaming from rooftops 
Where are you? 
Until I fall 
Instead of heaven,  
Hell

Surrounded by poppy leaves 
Embracing heaven 
Except once again
 it's Hell

He'll know my call
From one Neanderthal to another 
Across the lonely suburban picket fences 
The perfect windy driveways 
I wonder if he gets lonely too
Walking down these slippery slopes
 

It's 4am and very quiet
The only thing between my good self and God, 
The damn tinnitus   
Surrounded by Dorothy Porters' Love Poems, 
The crumpled doona of single
And the longing for you.  

6am, still waiting