Last night I dreamt in slow motion

Last night I dreamt in slow motion. Each second felt like an hour. Each moment; an eternity. Every sensation was exaggerated to the point where I could smell the burning flesh peeling off my face as the metal penetrated my skin.

It started with the thunderous beating of my heart followed by the ear-shattering sound of it splitting in two. Divided perfectly, it fell into two halves and as it did so, everything it withheld from the world came spilling out. What a mess.

I stood a long while to make sense of it all and the longer I thought about it, the more obscure it all seemed. My heart; so thickly layered and tough, protected by the strongest of walls, was now on the floor in front of me, leaking out a lifetime of mistakes and sins. Painful memories once filed away.

There were mirrors all around.

My right hand suddenly felt weighed down and my shoulder was straining. I looked to find a gun firmly planted in my grasp. It was heavier than it should have been but I had no will to let it go. My eyes met those of my own reflection and without a moment’s hesitation I was pointing the weapon.

I took a deep breath and choked on the air. It was thick and bitter to the taste. I could smell the unborn tears that left a film over my eyes. The self-pity left a strong taste of vomit on my tongue.

The noise of the trigger being pulled back flooded my ears. I felt the heat from the small explosion as the bullet left the barrel. Why wouldn’t it hurry? I watched it slowly move away from me and towards the disgrace that stared back at me.

As it reached the glass, the room fell silent. I watched as millions of shards fell to the ground and yet there I was, still standing, staring. The bullet carried further, plunging into my skin. The burning sensation of the metal piercing my skin was overwhelming and lasted for what seemed like hours. I fell backwards and didn’t stop falling.

I woke with a startle and looked to my side. It was the first morning I’d woken without you.