deepundergroundpoetry.com
Severed Paths
Beauty beyond words description
Found only in fiction
Possessed deep within your lone eyes
Dreamed of till my demise
Silken hair flows steady and free
Making thy heart decree
Love not written by man’s hand
But already been planned
A voice sent from angels above
Eases my mind with love
A life I wish were only mine
Two paths that don’t align
Friends now we must live forever
Fates path I did sever
A heart broken I now live with
Love only found in myth
Found only in fiction
Possessed deep within your lone eyes
Dreamed of till my demise
Silken hair flows steady and free
Making thy heart decree
Love not written by man’s hand
But already been planned
A voice sent from angels above
Eases my mind with love
A life I wish were only mine
Two paths that don’t align
Friends now we must live forever
Fates path I did sever
A heart broken I now live with
Love only found in myth
Published 31st Aug 2012
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Anonymous
7th Sep 2012 1:58pm
In L2 of verse four "fates" needs an apostrophe, because you're using it as a possessive.
You have some lovely images here. I like how the last line harkens back to the second. I'd suggest that you marry your lines to more of a story, be less vague, if you know what I mean. All critique is JMHO. Thanks for the read.
You have some lovely images here. I like how the last line harkens back to the second. I'd suggest that you marry your lines to more of a story, be less vague, if you know what I mean. All critique is JMHO. Thanks for the read.
10th Sep 2012 1:45pm
I appreciate any and all critiques. I will go back and make those changes and look at the vagueness you mention. Thanks for the comment and reading.
3rd Jul 2013 2:35am
I wish more people shared your thoughts for the world would be a better place.
