deepundergroundpoetry.com
Candied Apple Red
I would have disappeared with you
in teenage love
and know-it-all dreams
but you
disappeared first
I saw a cobra today
nineteen-sixty-nine
hard top
in candy apple red
just like the one your daddy surprised your mama with
specially painted
to match her lips
and like the one
we sneaked out in
every other night
to race down the back roads
drinking beer
smoking cigarettes
being cool
pocket’s full of jingle
eternal roads
minds full of endless hopes
and wicked cool dreams
with a Lynard Skynard soundtrack
helping us forget the trouble we’d get into
when we got home
I saw a cobra today
crystals hung from the mirror
for luck
beige interior
silky smooth leather seats
like the ones
our bodies first tangled on
and then melted
where we created life
then lost it
where we had our first fights
tears
screams
break-ups and make-ups
Yeah I saw a cobra today
like the one you were driving that night
coming to pick me up
like the one the drunk driver never saw
the one you flew out
head first
staining the pavement candied apple
red
before the ring box
slipped from your lifeless hands
I saw a cobra today
like the one
I would have gone with you
anywhere
in
in teenage love
and know-it-all dreams
but you
disappeared first
I saw a cobra today
nineteen-sixty-nine
hard top
in candy apple red
just like the one your daddy surprised your mama with
specially painted
to match her lips
and like the one
we sneaked out in
every other night
to race down the back roads
drinking beer
smoking cigarettes
being cool
pocket’s full of jingle
eternal roads
minds full of endless hopes
and wicked cool dreams
with a Lynard Skynard soundtrack
helping us forget the trouble we’d get into
when we got home
I saw a cobra today
crystals hung from the mirror
for luck
beige interior
silky smooth leather seats
like the ones
our bodies first tangled on
and then melted
where we created life
then lost it
where we had our first fights
tears
screams
break-ups and make-ups
Yeah I saw a cobra today
like the one you were driving that night
coming to pick me up
like the one the drunk driver never saw
the one you flew out
head first
staining the pavement candied apple
red
before the ring box
slipped from your lifeless hands
I saw a cobra today
like the one
I would have gone with you
anywhere
in
Written by
raorrick
(Rachel O.)
Published 30th Aug 2012
| Edited 1st Sep 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 18
reading list entries 6
comments 41
reads 1468
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Candied Apple Ring Box
30th Aug 2012 12:47pm
like the one
I would have followed you anywhere in!
Wow!! Powerful write. Sad it happens everyday. Great job Rachel
I would have followed you anywhere in!
Wow!! Powerful write. Sad it happens everyday. Great job Rachel
0
re: Re: Candied Apple Ring Box
Thanks doc!
Glad the diagnosis is good.
Thanks for the house call.
I told you, you won't live the name down.
Okay, I'm done. :D
Glad the diagnosis is good.
Thanks for the house call.
I told you, you won't live the name down.
Okay, I'm done. :D
re: re: Re: Candied Apple Ring Box
30th Aug 2012 1:08pm
re: re: re: Re: Candied Apple Ring Box
30th Aug 2012 11:43pm
Re: Candied Apple Red
Anonymous
30th Aug 2012 1:02pm
<< post removed >>
re: Re: Candied Apple Red
30th Aug 2012 11:44pm
I struggled with that word, but I looked it up, turns out, sneaked is proper.
Thanks for your feedback. :D
Thanks for your feedback. :D
Re: Candied Apple Red
Anonymous
- Edited 30th Aug 2012 1:53pm
30th Aug 2012 1:52pm
That is a majorly sad poem Rachel!
I can relate....I'm sorry.
Strider
I can relate....I'm sorry.
Strider
0
re: Re: Candied Apple Red
30th Aug 2012 11:45pm
I am deeply sorry that you relate. I love being able to reach people with my poetry, but I am always saddened by it too.
Thank you Strider.
Thank you Strider.
re: re: Re: Candied Apple Red
31st Aug 2012 3:05am
re: re: re: Re: Candied Apple Red
31st Aug 2012 4:00am
Re: Candied Apple Red
Anonymous
30th Aug 2012 2:16pm
Wow girl...that gave me chills!
Nicely Penned
another wonderful piece
Nicely Penned
another wonderful piece
0
re: Re: Candied Apple Red
30th Aug 2012 11:48pm
Re: Candied Apple Red
Anonymous
30th Aug 2012 3:14pm
Powerfull
Emotive
Special
I'm Speech-less .
Emotive
Special
I'm Speech-less .
0
re: Re: Candied Apple Red
30th Aug 2012 11:49pm
Re: Candied Apple Red
Anonymous
30th Aug 2012 6:49pm
Beautiful- sad, nostalgic-powerful
Loved it!
Peace,
Miki
Loved it!
Peace,
Miki
0
re: Re: Candied Apple Red
30th Aug 2012 11:49pm
Re: Candied Apple Red
30th Aug 2012 7:16pm
So easy to picture this, a movie, while reading. I agree: a powerful write, and so very sad.
0
re: Re: Candied Apple Red
31st Aug 2012 00:15am
Re: Candied Apple Red
Anonymous
30th Aug 2012 8:42pm
Very powerful and moving. One of your bests.
0
re: Re: Candied Apple Red
30th Aug 2012 11:51pm
Re: Candied Apple Red
30th Aug 2012 11:04pm
You may not have been born in the deep south, but you ARE a southern girl with this snapshot. The intriguing thing is this could have been in the early 70s on through the present.
"just like the one your daddy
surprised your mama with
specially painted
to match her lips" is a smile. Some country girls call it "cowgirl red" lipstick.
Racing down back roads, drinking beer, not just THINKING but BEING cool, tasting roads and Lynard Skynard.
The details you ebb and flow with in such short lines give us a setting usually found in a chapter or two of a book.
The story is brutal to the heart and as such smacks of great poetry.
"just like the one your daddy
surprised your mama with
specially painted
to match her lips" is a smile. Some country girls call it "cowgirl red" lipstick.
Racing down back roads, drinking beer, not just THINKING but BEING cool, tasting roads and Lynard Skynard.
The details you ebb and flow with in such short lines give us a setting usually found in a chapter or two of a book.
The story is brutal to the heart and as such smacks of great poetry.
0
re: Re: Candied Apple Red
31st Aug 2012 00:14am
70's county back roads is exactly where my mind was when I wrote this. I am thrilled you picked up on that.
I am glad the setting came across. I love trying to paint a picture with few words.
Good to know it touches the heart.
I always love when you stop by, Ken. It's a pleasure as always. Thank you.
I am glad the setting came across. I love trying to paint a picture with few words.
Good to know it touches the heart.
I always love when you stop by, Ken. It's a pleasure as always. Thank you.
Re: Candied Apple Red
31st Aug 2012 1:40am
Chicka, this is badass in so many ways. I think everyone has already gushed and bravoed, so I'm just going to cheer and eat popcorn. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
0
re: Re: Candied Apple Red
31st Aug 2012 4:01am
Re: Candied Apple Red
31st Aug 2012 9:23pm
Such a poignant write, I can relate to the tragic end in the red car, I pass the road and tree often, I fell apart back then.
This is a fantastic write Rachel, that stirs so many emotions.
This is a fantastic write Rachel, that stirs so many emotions.
0
re: Re: Candied Apple Red
31st Aug 2012 10:34pm
Awe Magdalena, so sorry. That has to be hard, (hugs).
Thank you for your kind feedback. It's much appreciated.
Thank you for your kind feedback. It's much appreciated.
Re: Candied Apple Red
2nd Sep 2012 9:56am
Your voice, tone, narrative in this is so beautifully calming and nostalgic. The cobra repetition, for me, evokes some kind of almost spiritual sentiments.
I'm lost for words really. Change nothing, especially that voice. This poem melts in my mouth it's so warm. Thank you for writing this.
I'm lost for words really. Change nothing, especially that voice. This poem melts in my mouth it's so warm. Thank you for writing this.
1
re: Re: Candied Apple Red
3rd Sep 2012 11:13am
Aww wow. I value your opinion greatly, as I admire your work. So your words mean a great deal to me.
I am glad that you found enough words to say what you have said.
I am even more thrilled that is made your list.
Thank you so much for stopping by, and commenting.
~X~
I am glad that you found enough words to say what you have said.
I am even more thrilled that is made your list.
Thank you so much for stopping by, and commenting.
~X~
Re: Candied Apple Red
15th Sep 2012 7:21am
re: Re: Candied Apple Red
15th Sep 2012 2:15pm
Re: Candied Apple Red
15th Sep 2012 8:25am
re: Re: Candied Apple Red
15th Sep 2012 2:15pm
Re: Candied Apple Red
17th Sep 2012 9:39pm
re: Re: Candied Apple Red
18th Sep 2012 5:52am
Re: Candied Apple Red
20th Sep 2012 3:07am
re: Re: Candied Apple Red
30th Sep 2012 6:58am
Re: Candied Apple Red
Anonymous
27th Sep 2012 4:58am
Dang i love this, powerful read!
0
re: Re: Candied Apple Red
30th Sep 2012 6:57am
Anonymous
- Edited 8th Oct 2022 2:45pm
3rd May 2013 10:56pm
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
- Edited 8th Oct 2022 2:45pm
3rd May 2013 11:00pm
<< post removed >>
re: Re: Candied Apple Red
5th May 2013 1:48am
Thanks so much SoulidifiedJourney! That means a lot that you were able to see and feel my words. :)