in solitude

As I sit in solitude, haunted by sorrow, pain & despair... My hand feels heavy holding a 38 revolver loaded with only one hollow point. I bring the barrel to my to my head. Flashes of a past that's gone, flashes of a future that may never be. Heart pumping, palms sweating, i pull the trigger and I'm still here. My breading becomes heavy, my thoughts speed up, i fire the revolver again yet still I'm not yet dead. My heart beats faster, the revolver almost slip out of my hands as the sweat on my palms increases. I take the time to wipe the sweat from my hands & revolvers grip.  a tear streams down my cheek as i realize that being so close to taking my own life feels the same as when i fell in love.  where my heart pounds my palms sweaty. I lift the revolver back up & with this realization I shed i smile & i whisper to the stars goodbye my love as I pull the trigger...... (BANG!!! Followed by eternal silence!!!)