Pompous Arsehole Poem

My arsehole has
a 200,000 year long
lineage...

It shat before
the first human words
were ever spoken

(THE PRIMORDIAL VOICE
OF THE BODY)

It burped its way merrily
thru the birth
of religion

Fertilized fields
& increased yields
from the dawn
of agriculture

& grumbled with strain
erecting ancient
megaliths

My arsehole
was the big fat
ZER0
that made maths
possible

Its puckered lips
dreamt
science
into being

My arsehole
initiated an army
of priests
as it flapped
funky breezes
from its lofty platform
in the House Of God

My arsehole lost control
to TERROR
& made a huge shitty mess
moments before my
heart was ripped
from my chest
atop some scabby
Mayan pyramid
islanded by mist

My arsehole founded Glastonbury
& has participated
(mostly silently)
in every Druid ritual
since the 17th Century
&
It backed up
every bearded Celtic priest
& shabby shaman Gaul
before history ever
perverted itself
out of myth

My arsehole seeped sweetly
when the word "Wicca"
was first mouthed
& breathed deep
in the fresh air
of dark forests
as it circled
the dancing fire
chanting poetry

My arsehole spun with
the first Sufis,
was too roomy for Rumi,
& messed up
Mohammed's bed

My arsehole
achieved enlightenment
5,000 years before Buddha
ever plucked his first flower

It whined all the way
thru the sermon on
the mount & sat out
the last supper
due to food poisoning

My arsehole was
the abyss out of which
the Kabbalah arose
- as fully formed
as sweetcorn

My arsehole was the
jungle where
the Maya
disappeared

It sat stunned at the centre
of the flattened trees
of Tunguska

My arsehole
gave 33 & a third
turds to the instigator
of freemasonry

It haunted
the dreams
of every occult master
with unsecretable
blasphemy

& soiled the final goal
of even the most
obsessive compulsive
alchemy

My arsehole tried
to make ascetics
laugh
by blowing bubbles
in the bath

It whispered
dark thoughts
during royal weddings

& shat on Eden's snake
while its skin
was shedding

It stank up the room
the day the first
Satanists
learnt how to create
an effective sense of doom

& loomed on the horizon
as the first official Christian
began preaching
love

It gave in
to devilish priests
& let out
for saintly nurses

My arsehole
was a fountain
of mushrooms
one day on the savanna
with the distant ancestor
of Terence Mckenna

My arsehole
blubbered freely
the day Timothy Leary
wrote his first book
& parped "GO!"
the whole time
Kerouac was
on the road

My arsehole wrote
entire lost Gnostic
gospels about
blind gods &
space peacocks
(then incarnated again
& encoded them
into trashy sci-fi)

My arsehole
shat the first totem pole
in the Americas
& tootled brightly
as the first shaman
took on the skin
of a jaguar

My arsehole
has been
here, there & everywhere
e v e r y w h e n
& it remembers
it all effortlessly
resounding in its
all encompassing
r i n g . . .

My arsehole was animal
arsehole before man,
is animal arsehole now,
& will be animal
arsehole long after
& so my arsehole
isn't really mine
at all...

It is OUR SOUL

...So really my lineage
extends back to
the beginning
of spacetime

& I was initiated
by God myself

& personally farted
S P A C E D U S T L I F E
into vast Cosmic
Angels

& personally
expanded galaxies
with my inevitable
W I N D

& created the void
by accident
while exploring
the wHOLE
in my
R I N G

My, my, my,
Our Soul
is the oldest of all

You can try
to lay claim
to its lineage

Butt...

It belongs
to no-one
at all
.