The Real Me

im insecure about being who i am    
born into foster care    
   
not knowing who could love me    
i was adopted by a great family    
   
over the years i got older and learned to smile    
still a child i knew non the wiser    
   
poeple were cruel to me    
i could never understand    
   
i was adopted    
my family was special to me    
   
i hit year seven in school    
and thats the begining of all this bull    
   
his name was jordan he was like me    
so i couldnt understand why he did something this mean    
   
he started to scream    
he started to yell    
   
"your not wanted you piece of shit!"    
"your adopted into a family that doesnt even care"    
   
i sat stunned in that small classroom    
when my friend stood and turned to me    
   
"hes right you know you were never wanted    
not even at birth"    
   
tears start to sting my eyes as i look around the room    
i wanted to die here and let this be my tomb    
   
the yelling contniued but it multiplied    
everyone in the room was yelling    
   
telling me i didnt belong    
i knew all along that my life was wrong    
   
i sprinted to the bathroom to hide    
where was my teacher i needed to find    
   
i went home that night    
and used a blade for the first time..    
   
the feeing was odd    
like ice to a burn    
   
it hurt but it took away the pain    
i cut once more    
   
it made me feel free    
i let my tears fall for the millionth time that day    
   
i sigh as my mom greets me    
and i walk away    
   
not one single word graces my lips    
for two whole weeks i speak through my finger tips    
   
i continue my friendship with the blade    
using it nearly everyday    
   
my parents didnt know    
and at this point probably wouldnt care    
   
we drifted apart through the course of three years    
constant yelling and tears    
   
i used my blade more often    
until august    
   
i met this boy he was perfect    
or so i thought, he was meant for me    
   
i was wrong a few months later    
i was broken this time it wasnt any better    
   
my blade was found and used again    
i almost didnt stop then    
   
i wanted to die    
i really wished i had commited suicide    
   
death never came    
but when i was found out it was never the same    
   
mid october it came crashing down    
my mom said she regrets having me around    
   
"get rid of me" i screamed    
"let me do what ive been trying to do for the past four years!"    
   
standing with a deadly silence in the air she turns away saying    
:we raised you like our own and you dont even appreciate it!    
   
i ran to my room crying and cursing    
wanting to hit something, anything    
   
my cuts became scars over the months till april    
still having the "need" to atleast feel the blade    
   
i wore it as a necklace    
every single day    
   
then i found this site    
thanks to the one friend that doesnt fight    
   
my krissy told me    
publish anything    
   
noone will freak    
cause here we're free to speak    
   
i made an account and met this boy    
honestly at first i thought i was his toy    
   
but now months later    
i know it wasnt a ploy    
   
caleb is his name    
he makes me smile, i know its lame    
   
but he stayed with me    
even though most people think im insane    
   
my life at home still isnt the best    
but jazzie says itll be okay    
   
i think i believe her now    
my smiles arent as fake anymore    
   
im still a mistake in my own eyes    
but im starting to see the person that i want to be    
   
and that person is the real    
ME