irrelevant implausibilities

I laugh out loud at myself
waiting for you to start
when did you stop?
You only leave to switch partners
never to stop as I do breathing
when you're not around
when you go to someone
and not me
I wait by being extinguished
than in solitude with the awareness of it
a constant contrast
to your couplings with irrelevancies
in scornful disregard to my demise-ful existence
in a void of you
which is never a start of anything
except perhaps a purgatory
in a torment of meaninglessness
a vacuum of space without time
time without passage in  space
my world collapses into a dimension without form
only pain provides any reference to itself
and it is without end as it never starts
in an infinity of hopeless implausibilities
that are amusing for you
my sole purpose