Shroom town cats

Relative obscurity is deep lepperochan...
lie it.

Strider :)

good of you to stop by and leave your thoughts Strider.
thanks.

Well different for you . But I enjoyed it shine on green boy

Gigi.
different is exactly what I wanted you to think about this poem :)

nah it's about having some fun with words that I normally wouldn't go using in such numbers and having a go at some alliteration so trying to come up with something that is entertainging to read.

thanks fot reading and leaving your footprint.

So your use of "Flashes" were intervals, I assume?  If so, well done for each analogy stood out perfectly on its own.  Your reflection in the use of Chrysanthemums really added to the flavor of this poem, Eamonn.  It spoke to me, and I understood it as clear as day;)  Thanks for publishing it.

Devlin.

Thanks, Flashes were intervals of sorts,that's to say this whole poem represents three happenings occurring during a mushroom trip.The flashes would represent the 'out of one vision into another' type thing that goes on. though re reading I can see I've [subconsciously] used analogies.

thanks for the good words. shine on  




  

Hey nice read, the flow moved along like a stream.  1 question though. Why FLASHES in between para grafts?

Elwood.

Thanks for stopping by and leaving your thoughts.

the explanation of the flashes are above. hope that makes it a bit clearer for you.

Nothing like a good hallucinogen to add perspective. I guess that's all they really do. I think that maybe the thing with the flashes is a bit, much though. It would be a good visual transition in a movie, but I think in a poem a line of dashes or just three distinct stanzas does the job. There is a good tripping poem in here. I think, though that the non-initiates (the reader) need some other structure to guide them in. Example in the 1st stanza is the colors yet to be infected. I understood it after re-reading, but couldn't make it out the first time. Were you being infected? Oh.. the colors were. So:

..... colors
that have yet to be weaken and locked in the boundaries
of earthly rainbows.

or some such. Infected is a tough word to get an active image from.

The next stanza I think the tripping flower picking works well, especially since it parallels the plucking of you by the mushrooms in the 1st stanza. The line that preceded is troublesome. I sense from its paranthetical snaking, that it is supposed to mimic your mental wheels spinning in circles. It almost hits that mark for me, but I think it needs to be deliberately more convoluted than it is to avoid just being accidentally confusing.

Last stanza, no suggestions. Back to the flashes you might even write your way between the three sections to set them in some sort of overarching philosophical perspective. Or go the other way... nothing between them and each section made more dense and trippy.

Sorry to ramble, but I think you asked me in one of the forums to stop by and do just that... so I did.

Steve.
Oh you thought I meant do a critique on me...ooh this is awkward :)  thanks for the indepth analysis man. Much apreciated.

The flashes, well they were a kind of trial and error thing where I was trying to to write specificly for  a vocal reading.
Having seen and heard this poem read I agree that 'flash' does not really translate with the impact that I had envisioned. I think I'll be taking one of the routes you suggested.
Infected. I'll be honest and say I'll be sorry to lose that word but again if it's not translating properly then it needs looking at.
I'll get to work on this one as soon as I get to my laptop. I can certainly see where you are coming from here.

Thanks again for dropping in Steve.

Maybe "infected" would work if it had a helper after it something like the "and locked" like I tried-out above, Just not on its own, at least the way I read it... but I'm wrong just as often as I'm right so take it with a grain.

a trip fit for a cheshire cat, colorful and wide.