Doesn't Matter

No, I won't go to him
No, I won't be hurt by him again
He doesn't trust me
It is not me he wants to see
It doesn't matter that I can't breath when I think about him
Doesnt matter that that keeps happening again and again
He doesn't care, if he did why did he leave?
No, I wouldnt have begged him to stay, wouldn't have said please
But what was I supposed to do?
How was I supposed to know he was ready for things to be over and through?
I was on top of the world, now I feel six feet under
Nothing makes me feel anymore, don't even jump at the sound of the booming thunder
I need to let this go
But im finding it difficult, far more then he will ever know
I hope he never learns how I cried or how I almost took my life
I know him, he'd think I'm weak and probably laugh and twist the knife in deeper
So it doesn't matter