Hungry For Her Innocence

note: this is kind of a rough copy, but plz read and tell me whatcha think! ~Katie




Sidewalk chalk
pink and white sneakers
hair ribbons and bubblegum
little girls are so alive
with sweetness
compassion
and naivety
They run and play
in the courtyard outside
my frigid apartment.

Right now I'm sitting in a hard kitchen chair
peering through the blinds
watching them.
A steaming mug of cocoa in hand
chases away the cold.
it burns my throat, but I swallow anyway.
There are only 4 children in the courtyard.
There are usually more
but you can thank the stupid "safe" parents
for that.

A little girl disappeared last month.
She was last seen in this very yard
playing dress up with her Barbies.
The girl's name was Yoonseo.
Her parents were from Thailand;
she didn't know much english,
but would always wave to people passing by
with a grin
that could light up
a the entire state of Mississippi.

When i first approached her
her dark hair was in a long braid
that hung down to her knobby knees.
I wore my olive green peacoat
even though the July weather
was similar to a baker's oven.
I smiled and shrunk down to her size.
I complimented her barbies.
She said, "I like coat."
It was so easy.

A few minutes later I was holding her hand,
leading her past my front door,
a smile plastered on my face.
I got her a chocolate bar
and ushered her to sit on the yellow sofa.
I asked her what she liked to watch
on television.
She answered "Clifford. Big dog. Red and nice."
"Red and nice." I repeated gleefully.
"We can watch Clifford in my bedroom. On the big TV." I said.

It seemed in slow motion
that I saw her get up and skip into the bedroom with the big TV.
My enormous flatscreen television
took up most of an entire wall.
"Wow!" she exclaimed.
"TV is very big!"
I followed her into my room
sweating with anticipation.
I shut the door and
locked it behind me.

The courtyard feels less bright without her smile.
A month ago she sat there in the mulch,
in that exact spot that is now occupied
by a girl with skin that took after
the last thing Yoonseo ate.
Why is it so goddamn cold in here?
The guilt sometimes takes over.
I didn't mean to
It's not my fault
I was hungry for her innocence