deepundergroundpoetry.com
Tears
Something that lurks inside
Leaving me nowhere to hide.
Don't run, I wanna fight,
Free myself of this plight.
Who I'm worried about more
The person whom I adore.
I know her target's him
This cursed beast within
Protect him though I try
This girl is far too sly.
She's gaining power still.
Go against her with all my will
But it's never enough.
All I can do is bluff
Until that fateful day
When a hero comes to say
"This will be your end."
But she'll come back again.
She's done it once before
So why not just once more?
Leaving me nowhere to hide.
Don't run, I wanna fight,
Free myself of this plight.
Who I'm worried about more
The person whom I adore.
I know her target's him
This cursed beast within
Protect him though I try
This girl is far too sly.
She's gaining power still.
Go against her with all my will
But it's never enough.
All I can do is bluff
Until that fateful day
When a hero comes to say
"This will be your end."
But she'll come back again.
She's done it once before
So why not just once more?
Published 17th Jul 2012
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The author encourages honest critique.
18th Jul 2012 3:22am
Truth is I never got to finish this poem, and most of the stuff I write is about my typing chat rp stuff.
18th Jul 2012 7:04pm
Why don't you finish it? It's a good poem, has fine potential. But I want to say, "Who cares?" You don't develop your ideas. Like, "I know her target's him/this cursed beast within" could be a poem in itself. What "cursed beast?" Describe it. Not all "beasts" are bad, negative. "She's done it once before" then why let it continue if you are certain what will happen? That makes the poem rather anti-climatic. It's like a synopsis-poem, with no where to go. But you have talent. Why, such as this poem?
marcella1
marcella1
19th Jul 2012 2:28am
I know that I don't develop my ideas myself. I notice when I write my books. I sort of get distracted. :) Thanks for the advice
Anonymous
10th Mar 2013 4:47pm
I really enjoyed this-feels like a truly powerful poem. The only part that caused any difficulty was the line-
Who I'm worried about more
I think who am I worried about more works better..
Enjoyed this read, thank you :-)
Who I'm worried about more
I think who am I worried about more works better..
Enjoyed this read, thank you :-)
