deepundergroundpoetry.com
Let me Let You
I'll chase the ghosts from your halls and marrow
if you allow me to haunt your crevice.
Let me nurture your screams to those of joy
like a thousand seraphic harlots
moaning a Barber-stringed symphony.
I can cultivate the infertility of the stubborn -
scattered memories that have plagued your soil
and forced you to feed on hopes.
Let me roam the summer pines of your head
as the warm rain ignites every follicle,
transcending my weightless being.
I would reconstruct your sacred ruins;
building a strengthened home.
Let me dream and wake, inside your love.
Let me let you do the same.
if you allow me to haunt your crevice.
Let me nurture your screams to those of joy
like a thousand seraphic harlots
moaning a Barber-stringed symphony.
I can cultivate the infertility of the stubborn -
scattered memories that have plagued your soil
and forced you to feed on hopes.
Let me roam the summer pines of your head
as the warm rain ignites every follicle,
transcending my weightless being.
I would reconstruct your sacred ruins;
building a strengthened home.
Let me dream and wake, inside your love.
Let me let you do the same.
Published 14th Jul 2012
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likes 10
reading list entries 3
comments 11
reads 939
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 15th Jul 2012 3:50am
15th Jul 2012 3:48am
I am loving haunted marrow and sacred ruins.
The only nit I have is small: I think if you traded ' head' for' scalp' the flow would be nicer, and the final line is unnecessary.
On my reading list.
The only nit I have is small: I think if you traded ' head' for' scalp' the flow would be nicer, and the final line is unnecessary.
On my reading list.
15th Jul 2012 1:28pm
Actually the two nits you picked at were two parts I'd spent more time on than I perhaps should of.
I put the last part there just before I posted as it felt incomplete with the coulpet.
I'll look over the head thing though.
Thanks for your eyes and praise, Aish.
I put the last part there just before I posted as it felt incomplete with the coulpet.
I'll look over the head thing though.
Thanks for your eyes and praise, Aish.
15th Jul 2012 1:58pm
There's something lovingly macabre about those first two lines that makes you uneasy but captivated at the same time - I think it's the way 'haunt' and 'crevice' sit so close to each other, one being kind of sinister and ethereal, and the other having really carnal associations. They draw you in and swallow you into the rest of the poem. I feel like the final line, or something in it's place if you're going to change it, is needed to bring the flow to a full stop - I think the previous to last line would hang awkwardly without it.
15th Jul 2012 3:17pm
Well anything macabre related is a compliment to me so thanks.
Yeah the last verse is a bitch. I'll definitely look at the last line again though. When the thinking gland is stimulated.
Again thanks for the time and nice comment, Merda.
Yeah the last verse is a bitch. I'll definitely look at the last line again though. When the thinking gland is stimulated.
Again thanks for the time and nice comment, Merda.
15th Jul 2012 10:04pm
"Let me nurture your screams to those of joy
like a thousand seraphic harlots"
I adore this. It's lovely.
It's a quest to save her, while she saves him.
This goes on my list. :)
like a thousand seraphic harlots"
I adore this. It's lovely.
It's a quest to save her, while she saves him.
This goes on my list. :)
16th Jul 2012 10:30am
Why thankya kindly, Rachel.
Yes it's a quest to build something new I suppose.
You're too kind, again thanks.
Yes it's a quest to build something new I suppose.
You're too kind, again thanks.
Anonymous
16th Jul 2012 9:43am
Your skill at crafting complex internal landscapes evokes an almost spiritual atmosphere in your poems. Even at its darkest your work is transcendant. Thank you very much for the read, Dan.
16th Jul 2012 10:34am
Your welcome, Jack.
That is far too kind a compliment and is more than appreciated.
Thank you very much for the praise.
That is far too kind a compliment and is more than appreciated.
Thank you very much for the praise.
16th Jul 2012 8:08pm
This touched me deeply. Having once been broken and untrusting, I would have absolutely melted if someone had said this to me. It touches every level of intimacy and transcends it.
Beautiful.
Beautiful.
17th Jul 2012 5:44am
That's sad to hear but I'm really glad you could connect with it in that way.
Thanks for your praise and stopping by, starlight.
Thanks for your praise and stopping by, starlight.
8th Aug 2012 6:07am
