My Minds Eye

This life at present seems so dark and empty.
I'm desperate for changing.
I've got a hunger for passion given unto me from someone who genuinely loves me...
But thinking about it makes me wonder if thats asking for too much.

Days and nights go by where i consider death as a way out but then images of a bright and happy future plays like a slideshow in my head.

What is expected of me? Why do i even care? Those are two of the many questions i ask myself but the answers remain a mystery... Will the truth ever be known?

They say it's all in my head, that they really do care... My response to that... ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!
Everything about me tells you as a stranger that im happy, that i've got my whole life ahead of me, but if you take a deeper look at me you'll see that the physical image i portray is not me.

Suicide attempts... Yes i've put it into practice on more than one occasion but the truth is i'm not brave enough to follow through to the very end.

Confused and insecure at the age of 18. I live a practically innocent life and so the question that follows: Where does the confusion and insecurity come from? And again, the answer remains a mystery.

Overwhelmed with curiosity as to what the future holds because right now i'm not certain as to why i'm even living.
Empty promises were made to me by people i love most and so when i finally realise the truth about their promises i started resenting them and that is how they lost my trust in them.

Anger and depression all bottled up an the inside of me because i'm not sure about the people in my life...
Whether they'll try to help me or if they'll try to use my weaknesses to their advantage.

I always put others before myself and at the time by doing good for others makes me feel good about myself... I never had trouble forgiving people that have done me wrong and because i release them so easily they walk all over me, knowing that i'll just forgive them again should they come and ask for forgiveness.

Who am i to everyone? Just an easy target... Is it fun playing on my emotions and my weaknesses? Do you enjoy seeing me suffer? Answer me? Anyone... Just please answer me!

I know i sometimes fail at making the right decisions and that is why i try my utmost best to live life according to my own decisions.
Just because some decisions are not always correct doesn't mean i'm not gaining anything from it...

I do things out of the ordinary and that is one of the qualities about myself that i treasure... They say we all have a purpose in life and i'm still trying to find mine... It could be anything and so my biggest fear is that i dont have a fear... Reasoning behind it... I know that whatevers meant to be will work out perfectly.