Unverified existence II

Why do you do this to us?
Why do you create this
eternal conflict
causing the most splitting
headaches one can suffer?

Why do you climb into my mind
taking refuge from the fact
that I can’t kick you out
and torture me
with endless mind games?

You lash out at me,
spew hurtful words
crushing every inkling of
what spirit remained in me.

I’m tired of sailing the same seas
of constant I-hate-you’s,
where I’m always fighting to reach the surface,
always drowning in self-loathing misery.

Why do I endure this anguish?
All it would take to end you
is a bullet to the head,
my head.

But I’m afraid to release the trigger,
too scared of the dark that lies beyond,
too frightened that when I disappear,
all that will be left to keep me company
is you.