Ayla : In hell

 Midnight
Curled up into a ball on the icy cold wet floor
I summon up the last of my strength to live past the last agonizing moments of my life
Strong urine stench musk’s the whole room
Once my bedroom, now a death bed
Invitation for reapers
Sound of laughter in a distance
Promises made to those I held dear
My Dreams.Ambitions.
None  of that matters
The end draws near for me
Tonight im the hunted
Prey to evil so dark
I dread the final moment
Deep down I know it will be much worse than before
A taste of hell fire before time
I can feel the ball of  fear slowy warming up in my chest
Whatever happened to me?
I, Ayla
Pure of heart
I was once unstoppable
Always had  the light in sight
Yet  always,jus out of reach
Though  in my mind I had no thoughts of giving in
I was strong
Never mind the wounds to my soul
Never healing , always
Reminding of the past
Once I walked in the Dark
Barefoot in the icy cold winter night
I feared the path that lay before me
The unknown truth of my destination
My destiny
Driven by ambition
Temptation finally lost me the battle to success
Selling my soul to the evil known as crystal meth
All I was, stripped away
I became a lost soul
Slave to the drug
Chasing that high from the first
As day and night
The first time I smoked , so crystal clear
It was ecstasy
So much, enjoyment, pleasure
Energy
I could see the darkness taking over me
I couldn’t careless
Invisible I was
This was how life was meant to be
Everyday happy
But how naïve was i
Stupid good for nothing slut
All I ever wanted was to be someone
With a purpose for  my existence
I should have known
All I ever were was jus some fool
Like all the rest
Jus fighting, trying live through another day
Survival is only for the finest
Inbody ,mind and soul
I was weak
A sharp pain in my head wakes me up
Disappointment falls like a  heavy suffocating cloth as I realize I’m still alive
Alone
With effort I bring my arms around tighter to my chest, the annoying itch from bloody cuts im my arm multiplies
With no warning my vision gets blurry,
Mybody goes numb as nausea takes over my body with the urger to throw up my insides..im tired
Slowly my breathing gets heavier ,
the air hot, burns with each breath
Im falling
All I do is mourn now, my body on fire
Attacked by hot itch all over
Helpless to it, I know I won’t scratch
I cant let go of my chest.
Jus as I think I cant take any more, pain from my stomach executes my whole body blinding me for some seconds
My screams in agony fall to the heavy curtain of silence
Terrified, seeing no way out I start to panic
My body dripping of bloody sweat starts shaking Unconsciously my hands fall to the
Floor in search of a weapon
Illkill myself first before it gets me
As I try to get up
I fall again heavily to the floor
Paralyzed. My attempts to move r  arein vain
The pain unbearable, I cant even scream
Lying there ,  the insides of my stomach
Being chewed and clawed
My heart stabbed a hundred times in to pieces
Suddenly I see, the emptiness in my heart
Burning from then inside
My life flashes before me ,
Realizing truth , no one has ever loved me
I had no friends
I’m alone
Miserably all the time
I never got the chance to laugh
Say I love you
I was worthless
Overwhelmed by  guilt
I move  myself closer to the wall
With all the force I can master I start banging my head
Again and again
Driven my anger ,im not in control
Ive finally lost my mind
Screaming and banging
Not even the warm liquid trickling on my face stops me
Till the end comes
My body feeling defaced in pieces
Falls victim to the last blast
Defenseless, weak
The next wave pains beyond
Making cuts from the hot razor blades feel like pin pricks
I8 hours , 2 minutes
I don’t know how long I’m lost to the void
Time makes no sense
As my body is burned again and again with red hot liquid
Is this hell?

AYLA