Little Girls Oath

They say to follow your heart,
I feel like I have done that part,
They also say to trust your gut instinct,
In which I have.....I think,
However, I still feel like I am in quicksand struggling like hell not to sink,
My mother cries to me, saying that it is all of her fault,
Perhaps, if she wouldn't have been so worried about partying, there could have been a diffrent result,
But, I am a grown woman, so I have to disagree,
The only excuse I can come up with is that I am just to weak or blind see,
Or maybe it is because I am so fucking desperate,
My god, I just do not know anymore, not at this rate,
I am just another hopeless romantic in search of my fate,
However, my ship always seems to set sail without me, I always seem to show up too late,
Damn it!! All I want, all I desire, is to find my true, one and only soul mate,
I am beginning to think that this saying is not true,
For it does not seem to matter on what all I do,
I could sit here and come up with all types of excuses,
On all the reasons I love him, if you can look past all my cuts and bruises,
From when I was a little girl, I held a promise close to my heart,
I would never raise ANY CHILD around this type of behavior, that would not be very smart,
I was told by the high priestest in a tarot reading the other day,
That all alone this journey I would have to start without delay,
I need not give two fucks about what you all have to say,
For if I do not seek this journey, find a healthier way,
Woman beaters and drug dealers will be all I get, I will not be able to watch my children grow and play!