Death by been there done that

LB, this one left me a little confused.

"Yet I  awoke again this morning

Every night another ragnarok
a final showdown
again"
the second "again" could be removed, as it's implied and the repetition adds nothing. It's more powerful without it.

"a whole nother bag"
is cliche.

I found the last verse very confusing, no matter how many times I've read over it, I can't make it make sense in my head. I think I get what you're trying to say, but I am not entirely sure.

There some great stuff in there. IMO this is a great concept, it just needs a bit of work to give it the power and punch it has the potential for. It comes off a little too flippant in places.

Peace, Indie

Indie thanks for your view..def very rough and lil stuck,so this was def kinda feedback.i was hoping for. The flippancy of it o agree with,i can hear like three different voices trying to figure out which to go with..the last lines are admitting that I have perverted view of "being here now" theres no time like the present,no moment but now etc.... I have very tough skin and much appreciate your opinion so never hold back....o and your so right bout that second again

Had a few all in evenings myself lately.  Ragnarok always interested me since Nietzsche borrowed it from Wagner for Twilight of the Idols. Always wanted to use it, but being American and all never did. Maybe Indie is right about it being flippant, but that is what I dig about your sense of humor. Though less might be more, I still buy the sincerity in it. At some point though the nights all-in will have to become more metaphorical, but until then, flame on.  

Thanks steve. Truth is I dont have the energy to flame on, but have invested so much into that philosophy. Age identity issues maybe. Um yeah... Yeah the ragnarok is great concept and jus great word...over use apocalypse,so went ahead w it..i intend similar thi things w it. Again a pleasure

I like it because the idea of being pulled between two spots, especially in the dream state is a common streaming schema in which to frame your story. Aboriginal shamans teach that the dream realm is more real than our own world, and some physicists talk about parallel universes as well.

I like to use the "climbing the ladder" rhythm whenever I explore adventures or capers in dream-theme. THere's also spiralling downward, similar rhythm but with more thudding dark notes for frightmare capers and missions. That's kind of how I feel with your story.

It's cool the journey the warrior is on because you keep waking up, suicide missions are supposed to be one-way right? The wake-ups, the shake-ups, the japes get stuck there. Those are the points where it's really effective to hypnotize your audience by spiking them with a kinetic description, an emotional anchor to hook-joint the brook-point as it were.

I don't remember Dante's Inferno so well these days, but there was more than a few cats in the lower concentric circles who were given glimpses of hope, daily that their torture would end. The eternal sentences were never truncated, but Dante Alghieri does a kick-ass job of teasing, tingling, releasing, mingling the audience with his words at the precise same moments when hope springs eternal. Your character feels the same way to me. Like just prior to waking up is that feeling, that redemption. Release in death. Ragnarok would suck for sure, but daaaamn... being pulled back just prior to conquest thereof and earning entrance to Valhalla? Cold coffee enema homes. I like your story. It's relatable and powerful.

Cheese n crackers my man,i fear you have given me more credit than is deserved. But f it ill take it. Such an engaging comment, thanks so much for swinging through and sharing your wisdom

lightbaron

i like the mix here. gravel with satin.
peacock feather with gasoline. damn.

i have a thing for concept pieces. i had
missed those and now you are reviving them.
good man.:)

the idea is clear. its a simple idea really.
just one needs to see the crux, the heart
of the light, in stead of getting hyperlost
in the swirling cycles of chroma is all.

i bet you have been experimenting again.
another thing i like is you give small clues.
real small, fragile clues. takes one to know
one.:) good going i say.

pour more

sumeet

Peacock feather n gasoline, like that. Appearing I may be being heard bit more than I thought, thanks for the boost in my confidence on this write. ( left a more personal reply in fuck art,but mistakenly did nit reply it to you)

Cryptic and a good read to boot, lightbaron.

Strider