deepundergroundpoetry.com
This is My Goodbye
As we continued to fall down the slippery slope
I began to realize that what I had gotten myself into
Was a pile of rotten dogshit
Every time I gave you a compliment
You would turn it around
Flip it upside down
And find some cockamamie way of insulting me
Well I am here today writing this poem for you
To let you know that I aint going to put up with your bullshit
Anymore, I aint going to let you ware me down
This is my goodbye
My final word to a cunt like you
I began to realize that what I had gotten myself into
Was a pile of rotten dogshit
Every time I gave you a compliment
You would turn it around
Flip it upside down
And find some cockamamie way of insulting me
Well I am here today writing this poem for you
To let you know that I aint going to put up with your bullshit
Anymore, I aint going to let you ware me down
This is my goodbye
My final word to a cunt like you
Published 19th Jun 2012
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20th Jun 2012 11:05am
Nathan
Straight to business.
'As we continued to fall down the slippery slope
[Wonderful image to start with. IMO 'slide' would work better along with 'slippery'. Just a suggestion]
I began to realize that what I had gotten myself into
Was a pile of rotten dogshit
[We jump from a mild one to a mound of gunpowder. Graphic and brutal. You may consider altering the CAPs at the start of every sentence to maintain a steady flow. JMHO.]
Every time I gave you a compliment
You would turn it around
Flip it upside down
And find some cockamamie way of insulting me
[Baam! It explodes. Splinters. Genuine angst and the reader feels it.
Well I am here today writing this poem for you
To let you know that I aint going to put up with your bullshit
Anymore, I aint going to let you ware me down
[I love the use of colloquial language in this poem. Makes it raw and helps it bleed better.
I believe 'ware' should be 'wear'.]
This is my goodbye
My final word to a cunt like you
[A sense of finality. A nine inch nail.
I took the liberty to tweak it a bit. Let me know what you thought of it.
'This is goodbye
my final word to you
cunt.']
Happy writing Nathan,
Sumeet
Straight to business.
'As we continued to fall down the slippery slope
[Wonderful image to start with. IMO 'slide' would work better along with 'slippery'. Just a suggestion]
I began to realize that what I had gotten myself into
Was a pile of rotten dogshit
[We jump from a mild one to a mound of gunpowder. Graphic and brutal. You may consider altering the CAPs at the start of every sentence to maintain a steady flow. JMHO.]
Every time I gave you a compliment
You would turn it around
Flip it upside down
And find some cockamamie way of insulting me
[Baam! It explodes. Splinters. Genuine angst and the reader feels it.
Well I am here today writing this poem for you
To let you know that I aint going to put up with your bullshit
Anymore, I aint going to let you ware me down
[I love the use of colloquial language in this poem. Makes it raw and helps it bleed better.
I believe 'ware' should be 'wear'.]
This is my goodbye
My final word to a cunt like you
[A sense of finality. A nine inch nail.
I took the liberty to tweak it a bit. Let me know what you thought of it.
'This is goodbye
my final word to you
cunt.']
Happy writing Nathan,
Sumeet
20th Jun 2012 3:33pm
If this had some rhyming, it would sound like Dylan around the time of "Idiot Wind". He wouldn' have said cunt though. Or would He?
