Facing the ground

Pushed down,
Climb to my feet,
only to lose my balance once more.

To love him, and fight for him,
to lose the fight, and lose him.
To have finally given up,
knowing all hope is gone,
to know he’ll never love me again.
My loss.

Having started over again with a new profound ‘love’,
just to be pushed back into that state of reaping with lack of awareness.

To know you still want her,
yet try my best to win this round.
Another fight I know I won’t win.

Knowing I can’t get over you,
crying myself to dreams of unreal imaginations every night.
Situations that will never be true.

You pull me towards you,
only to let me go once she arrives.

Feeling sorry for your past life changed to reality,
but wanting you more than ever.

Risking feelings of betrayal and guilt towards her for just liking your existence near my life.

Wanting to cease all emotions towards you,
fails every time.

Never ending loop, crazy.
To just feel your arms around me again,
be back in the grass.
Asking regular questions are enough for me to remember conversations for a lifetime.
Just your presence is enough to make me tremble.
Never ending loop of memories that I want to experience once more.

All just to be pushed down.
It takes a while to get back on my feet,
but once I do,
my eyes meet the dirt again.
Is it worth all the hassle to get back on the bright side,
if I just get shoved onto the ground.
Over, and over again.
Maybe I should stay here,
it might be better.
They can’t push me any further.
But they can pull me up…

I found this. It's one of the first poems i wrote while looking on the web at poetry sites. I know it sucks terribly, even after a few revisions, but i don't really care much about this poem. Just thought i would post it anyway.