deepundergroundpoetry.com
< You Doom My Heart >
Hack into my broken heart,
And rip it from my chest;
And steal away my silly soul,
And lay me out to rest.
I dream about you night and day,
And want you to be mine;
You watch me on my hardest day,
I watch you when you shine.
I watch each time I see you,
My heart it skips a beat;
And each time that you say my name,
I start to drop my seat.
I love you with my heart and soul,
I love you year and year;
But something's tearing us apart:
It's destiny, it's fear.
(And trouble, luck, and lots of stuff
[And some of it is beer].)
I know there is no hope for us,
That fate dooms us apart;
I really cannot stand the pain,
so finish what you start.
Please hack into my broken heart,
And rip it from my chest.
And steal away my silly soul,
So WE can get some rest.
- - - [/font]
And rip it from my chest;
And steal away my silly soul,
And lay me out to rest.
I dream about you night and day,
And want you to be mine;
You watch me on my hardest day,
I watch you when you shine.
I watch each time I see you,
My heart it skips a beat;
And each time that you say my name,
I start to drop my seat.
I love you with my heart and soul,
I love you year and year;
But something's tearing us apart:
It's destiny, it's fear.
(And trouble, luck, and lots of stuff
[And some of it is beer].)
I know there is no hope for us,
That fate dooms us apart;
I really cannot stand the pain,
so finish what you start.
Please hack into my broken heart,
And rip it from my chest.
And steal away my silly soul,
So WE can get some rest.
- - - [/font]
Published 8th Jun 2012
| Edited 9th Feb 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 10
reading list entries 1
comments 8
reads 1052
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
i'm in love with the clarity in this poem, and the sweet sentiments knowing it's over. a bloody delight, if you'll pardon the pun. [:
8th Jun 2012 9:46pm
9th Jun 2012 4:20am
YES! Rip it out so we can be done. Pull it, still beating, from my chest, so I don't have to feel this sickening angsty yo-yo crap any dang more!
Damn right.
The meter was all botched up in a few places, and the line about "drop my seat" was really clunky. I know it's cliche, but can you near rhyme, bend knee or something else to illustrate the movement?
Awkward in places, but all in all, a fast, fun read. I dig it.
Damn right.
The meter was all botched up in a few places, and the line about "drop my seat" was really clunky. I know it's cliche, but can you near rhyme, bend knee or something else to illustrate the movement?
Awkward in places, but all in all, a fast, fun read. I dig it.
9th Jun 2012 4:44am
10th Jun 2012 2:32am
And this is what I get for being such a smartass.
Oh you trickster gods you!
Oh you trickster gods you!
11th Jun 2012 2:54pm
16th Jun 2012 9:50am
very passionate write!
I liked the way you started ..those lines
And steal away my silly soul,
And lay me out to rest.
The way you ended is again a strong dose of unflawed love..the lines
And steal away my silly soul,
So WE can get some rest.
'WE' is effective.
those elusive reasons remains in the reader..
But something's always tearing us apart:
Confusion, numb luck, destiny, and fear
I liked the way you started ..those lines
And steal away my silly soul,
And lay me out to rest.
The way you ended is again a strong dose of unflawed love..the lines
And steal away my silly soul,
So WE can get some rest.
'WE' is effective.
those elusive reasons remains in the reader..
But something's always tearing us apart:
Confusion, numb luck, destiny, and fear
