smoking with your ghost

I don't have a date and time
to pin your memory to
so I'll make one up
a different day every year

I'll have a joint for you
pretend the tears
are just smoke in my eyes
and not the rebreaking
of vital organs
that beat an erratic goodbye
whenever I think of you

I'm all out of safe places
and as much as these
visions of you hurt
I cling to the memory
of your transient safety

For just a moment
we were suspended
out of space
out of time
two wayward souls
sparking temporary stars
into existence

I try and find the magic
but the magic is gone
and my fingers are just
shorted limbs
devoid of fire

I don't feel anything anymore
and I wonder if you where still here
if you could spark a star into my ribcage  
in that peaceful way you used to do
or if you'd hold me through
the heartless
like I'm not any less human
now that I'm frozen inside

So I light a joint
see your ghost
and I swear
I swear
it's just smoke in my eyes
as you fill my lungs
as surely as the THC
spreading through my body