Showdown Over The Horizon

       I guess you didn’t expect me back so soon. To be honest neither did I. But I’m always revisiting memories, or thinking about the journey to get where I am at present.

      My friend, J.J. Burton, recently lost his mother. I think it was March 10th to be precise. He’s been busy, and I understand we’ll talk when were supposed to. I was there for him when his father passed, though there relationship was strained, it was still his father.

      This one I figured would be worse, because he was close to his mom. I didn’t know her well. We talked some, she was a nice lady. Plus, she liked my singing voice, I think she was the only one that did, but hey I’m not knocking my only fan. lol.

      Still, it got me thinking. Both my parents are alive currently, but I know that dreaded day is coming. I’ve had nightmares about receiving that call, like all older people they have health problems. But nothing serious, knock on wood.

      I’ve got it together for the first time in my life, I’m off the booze, I don’t miss it one bit. Here’s the skinny though, my new found sobriety hasn’t been tested. I haven’t been under immense pressure yet.

      I have faith for the first time in my life. After many years of fighting with the big guy, we found peace. But our relationship hasn’t been battle tested, it’s easier to stay strong, when you’re not under constant attack.

      Satan, is an opportunist, just waiting for me to put my guard down. He tries everyday, even when sitting in the pews at church on Sunday. He whispers, “ You don’t belong here, they’ll never accept you. You’re not worthy of God’s love, because you’re a filthy sinner. No matter how hard you try, you can’t change that fucking fact.”

      So I’m tempted often, but I tell him to go take a flying fucking leap, and get off my cloud. I’m on to the mind games, and the traps. I’m cautious by nature anyways.

      As soon as I lose somebody close to me, like a parent, he’s going to be on me like flies on shit. He’s going to hit me with the heavy artillery like never before, and try to get me back in that bottle. I know that for a fact, that’s his plan.

      I’ve told you all many times I live inside my head. That is not a fabrication, folks. I go through scenarios, painstakingly turning over every fucking stone, allowing for the worst possible conclusions to play out in my head.

      I know there is a showdown over the horizon, a fork in the road, where he hides in wait, ready to ambush me in the weeds. Slithering on his belly, like the miserable fuck he is, taking delight in my misery.

      At the very second he strikes, I must be ready. Lord, make me ready for all the lies, guide me through the strategy, I know the power of words, it was a gift from you. When there put to the test, and my soul’s on the line, give me sanctuary from the onslaught.

      I never said this was a normal story, folks. Sometimes the need to vent overwhelms me, as I’m sure you’ve grown accustomed to by now. Anyways thanks for reading, folks. Peace, Love, and Lennon.