Now you have to pay a fee if you want to talk to me.

In keeping with the spirit of commerce and the age of the fee,
I shall now collect a charge if you wish to speak with me.

It will be double on weekends but cheaper on a Tuesday,
But if someone cuts in, there’s still more you should pay.  

Interruptions are charged at two pounds,
Nods of agreement are cut-rate but allowed.

Exchanges of any kind are subject to a toll,
And any interaction will be billed back to you all.

If it’s a problem that our chats are to be capped,
Then how about downloading my latest update or app?

If you wish to complain or disdain with a shout,
Perhaps I could ask you to open up an account?

In keeping with the times where there’s nothing left for free,  
I feel I am entitled to claim what’s rightly due to me.