human mask(s) & flesh suit(s)- and the concept of ascension....

   
   
   
    many are drawn to philosophical conversations- including me; but honestly- just as my profile "quote" reads-"I don't belong here"- or I don't want to exist- at least not in this current reality....  
   
  though I'm fascinated with certain aspects here- i feel it's too deep; like for example-when I go to close my eyes- I'd actually like to get a good sleep as opposed to a supposed "message" in a dream.... -i'd just rather not please- though despite my plees- every now and then it still proceeds....  
   
anyway.... I know I have what we call an "eye problem"- because I tend to stare at other human beings.... no harm intended- it's like an instinctual thing and I'm sure- it's not just me....  
   
 everyday might as well be Halloween- the way we consciously or subconsciously operate- within what seems apparently like...a series of "tricks and or treats"....    
   
 we're curious by nature- amongst other things- like wants and needs....  whether or not it's particularly in one's best interests- like "fast food"-Mcky Ds.... or a movie or series on the tv....  
   
  when I look into the mirror- I honestly don't identify my flesh as "me"; whether or not I'm pleased with what I see.... and when I look at others.... there's a mixture of thoughts that run through my mind- but I'm as present as I could possibly be....  
   
truth is- the more I wake up into this place- whether or not this is the one and only place "i'll" ever see(the idea that there's nothing after this)- I ultimately don't like it here for reasons- many....  
   
I could tell you what I want- what I yearn for while "i" am still here; like....someone that I've noticed- and they've also noticed "me"- pleasing outwardly- though inside especially- though in this realm that's a rarity-    
   
yet even then- there's always things to navigate....and im just barely making the cut of surviving within this reality.... but the thing is.... the make up of this.... "realm" is like one huge obstacle coarse that I'm not participating in willingly.... I want to be free....  
   
maybe there's more than what meets the naked eye- my mind is forever open to the realm of possibilities.... like ones' soul astral projecting and other things "spiritual "....  
   
but honestly.... I'm so fucking tired.... and I want someone to up close and personally love me before I leave what ever this place is supposed to be....