Cycle of trauma

Voices like leaves in the wind,
 Here and gone again, and again.

Seasons change.
People change.
Feelings change.
Reasons change.
Dreams change.

But we're still the same.

Cought in a loop of demolition.
Aggravation.
Isolation.
Contemplating.
So frustrating.

When's it gonna end?

Over and over.
 Again and again.

Stuck with a label.
As if I'm unable,
 to try.

To cry.
To soar or fall,
Across the sky.

I wonder why?

I bother.

I learned it from my mother.
To hate my flaws,
and my skin,
Hide the darkness deep within.

But it's trauma.
Do I feel guilty,
 or do I feel sorry,
Mama?

Can you help me?

I've been lonely.

Lost in a life,
always searching for you.

Cuz I'm not the first you'd choose.
In the end,
It's a lose, lose.

I lost a mom and you lost a daughter.

Should I start with my father?

Which one should I choose?
The one who chose drugs,
 or the one who denys the abuse?

Okay,
Okay.

Enough with the drama.

Why does it feel like it's a diorama?

Sweeping it all underneath of a rug,
the craving to numb it all became like a drug, to me.

Doubting who I could be,
It Didn't start with me!

We all just watched it all shatter.

"You're always suicidal
Why'd do you even try though?"

I can't believe I ever thought you were an idol.

Someone I could rely on.
A Shoulder I once cried on
A voice I once replied on.

To soothe and calm my fears.
Became the source of all my tears.
After all of these years.

I'm sorry Mama.
You should have ended the cycle of trauma.