toxic optimism isn't the answer

Too dark
Too dark
Too dark

The words won't leave my mind

You keep saying the things
in my head are too dark

If I could speak under the weight
of the shame of it
I would say...

I'm not trying to glorify
my shitty mental health
I don't write so you can relate
I write so I can breathe
I write for me

And I'll never say I'm glad
if you're someone who resonates
and is down in the dark with me
what I hope you find
between the lines
are the words
"you're not alone"
because they're the words
I want to hear
I want to know I'm not broken
in my inability to be normalised
I want to know there is hope
at the end of whatever
path I'm walking
I want to hold someone
as down and out as me and say
"it gets better
in one way or another
it gets better"

Because I know it does
however fleetingly
no two days are ever truly the same

And for those of us
addicted to the misery
we're not broken
for falling in love
with the darker parts
of the human condition

I have never thought for one second
that I feel less than everyone else

Maybe the problem is that I feel more
and it's a door I can't close
so I let myself feel all of it
however bad it gets sometimes

Stop saying the things
in my head are too dark

I'm not ashamed to feel