Subconscious Beliefs

For the sake of my public shadow work, I am going to uncover the things I believe. Doing this, I am going to say the first thought that comes to my mind. And trust that it's leading me somewhere.
 
1. Fat people are disgusting and despicable. They're only jealous bitches trying to ruin my life.
 
2. Atheists are going to undermine me at any moment and treat me like a child. They're hypocrites just like Christians!
 
3. I doubt my own spiritual experiences in the name of "logic" and pleasing atheists who really don't care about me.
 
4. Christians are like ice. Fake faces but too professional and cold. They'll judge me for anything I do wrong.
 
5. Muslims make me uncomfortable with delulu beliefs. Just don't bomb our country, okay.
 
6. I equate intelligent people with people who have zero feeling and underestimate me and think I'm stupid. I'm always being underestimated.
 
7. I see professional people as a threat to my own wellbeing. I refuse to go to a hospital to see uncaring bitches who aren't really helpful and only want to gaslight me.
 
8. I'm afraid of being fat because being fat equals those people who dominated me and overpowered me with their abuse. I can't become the monster they were to me.
 
9. I don't eat sometimes because I'm still afraid that last piece of pizza is gonna make me gain weight.
 
10. Men will sexually coerce me, use and discard of me later, and become possessive.
 
11. Women will hate my sexual humor, and I'm so in need of touch and sexual expression, that ignoring them is easier than admitting platonic relationships just don't excite me or give me an outlet.
 
12. I love using men for sex and discarding of them later. It gives me sick power as a sexual abuse survivor. They are my object to use, abuse, and control.
 
13. I see others as objects to either be avoided or to be given seldom attention or compassion where compassion is due. If I can't control them, it makes me afraid they'll just leave and abandon me like everyone else.
 
14. Everyone always leaves. While I'm worthy, people are not good enough to see my worth. People can't be worthy of my time and attention because I was never anything to them.
 
15. It's always my fault when people leave. I'm too toxic. I'm too clingy. I demand too much. It's never enough. I never can just relax and be me because I don't being me even means.
 
16. My anger and problems are too much for a world that willingly took turns spitting on me.
 
17. I can't explore new interests often because my mind is clinging onto any kind of comfort that's overly reliable and safe and won't upset.
 
18. I must not try and socialize with just anyone because they won't value me enough to want to be friends with me.
 
19. People fear me, and I intimidate them.
 
20. I'm always questioning if I'm too much or if I should tone my brutal honesty. But either way, I don't have the capacity to. I actively avoid social situations in which I constantly have to tone myself down or overly explain my actions. I just rather not be somewhere where I'm going to be ignored, shunned, or made to feel like I'm too much. I have no capacity to have a filter. I only have capacity to "let it rip."