All Grown Up

The calendar says I am older
The bills say I'm on my own
The children call me "ma'am"
And the old women say "my, how you've grown!"

 I feel myself walking in no one's footsteps,
Yet the shoes are still too big to fill.
I've fought, and I've fought, and I've fought,
And now my bravado has brought me to a standstill.

Going through the motions
Has left me in a world of daydreams
Lala land is nice this time of year
Away from the agony of what this life means.

I've watched my childhood ambitions
Fade into the wasteland where my addictions lie.
I dress myself in black and attend the graveside
Of all of me that has died.