Ways to end a first date...

Handshake unless you see him pick his nose.
He wore his finest Goodwill clothes but hasn't
brushed his teeth since childhood!

Hug unless you can smell his BO from 4 feet away.
He was homeless with a: WILL DATE FOR FOOD sign.
You were sick of eating Big Macs alone!

Kiss on cheek and a thank you. Friend zone.
Too polite. Keep his hopes up. Keep him around to borrow money, run errands and move furniture.

Restraining order because he doesn't understand the word "no". Just say NO to surprise amateur pap smears.

At the ER if he's been cutting himself in your bathroom. All you did was ask how his day went!  You'll probably meet up again next time you are put on a psych hold!

Schedule a second date if he doesn't take a dump with your bathroom door open. You still aren't sure.  Plus side - he isn't a long lost relative!  Illegal immigrant?

Handjob - if he's done nothing wrong but lingers too long and he's poor.  Stalker type.  Change your number!

BJ - if he makes $100,000 a yr or more. But he's married with kids. Possible sugar daddy!

Full Fuck - if he makes $100,000 a yr and has never been married - see if he's gay. Possible next hubby!

Fuck with condom - he fails in some aspect but you are horny as fuck. His cock is huge.  His brain isn't!
He can go for twenty minutes.

Untie the pizza guy!