Nu Somn

Sleepless nights make for bad poems  
And bad poems are usually the most honest  
If honesty got me anywhere  
Then everywhere—let there be honesty  
 
See how dearly we miss the warm sun when we’re old
How Autumn red brings Winter’s cold?
No summer snow, no August frost  
Could ever find what love has lost  
 
No little boy who begged for death
And cursed the day he first took breath
Could ever dissever the mem’ry of thee:
The love that drove you far from me
 
No tears could fill this sea of pain
No dreams restore this love again  
No sleepless angst could lay to rest  
The vile blackness in my chest
 
For 30 years I watched you struggle
For 30 years I watched you die
And brick-by-brick you’ve built your castles  
And word-for-word I’ve watched you lie  
 
In 30 years I hope it’s over;
In 30 years I hope you’ll be  
At peace with all the hate you carried  
At peace with all you’ve done to me  
 
I hope one day, I truly do:
You’ll stand before your soul’s creator  
And answer for the things you’ve done
And all the things that made you hate her  
And on that day when you meet God
And all the pains of life are over  
I hope you’ll feel the pain I felt  
And all the burdens on my shoulders  
 
May all the days that caused me pain  
Be lessons for my future son
“Be not like me, be more like you”
Is what I’ll teach what you did not  
 
I’ll teach my girl to have the courage  
I’ll teach my boy to love his mom  
I’ll teach my wife that Love is greater
I’ll teach myself that Love has won  
 
I’ll tell my kids that you were good  
An honorable man; misunderstood  
The heroic man you dreamed you’d be  
The honest man you thought you’d be  
 
I’ll tell them how you left your home  
Your mother’s house from far away
To give your kids a better chance  
A chance to see a better day  
 
I’ll tell them that you taught me well:
To care, to love, to make a choice  
I’ll tell them that you loved your wife  
And always let her speak her voice  
 
I’ll show them what I now know well.
I’ll show them what you couldn’t tell;
But not because you taught me life
Because my heart still bears your knife