innocence

 
sadness overcomes me and my inner woman fades
my voice within quiets and I retreat
part of me has no choice but to stay and feel the pain
everything silences, I feel so deeply
I've gotten the souls inside me, to sanctuary

it may seem strange but there are many that live within me
innocense being my soul child
a little being with keen observations of the world

I hear her talking to God
she always prays for me
leading the evening requests for beauty
she is curious about the world
too eager to know things

my sacred heart, I love her
gently my soul responds when she addresses me
she often goes through my memories thinking they are her own
God reminds her that was my childhood
those experiences mine

she is very young
she has a choice, to be born in the mortal world
sometimes she thinks she might want to
others she tells God she would never want to be separated from him

there was a time in my teens when I could no longer hear God
I mean I didn't go to church to learn about him
I heard him him as young as one years old
when he told me to take my first step, that it would be alright if I fell

I was alone alot as child, my mom insane
so God was my only companion, I never felt alone or afraid
starting school I was very bright and more interested in nature
the other chidren didn't hold in interest to me

my dad had custody of me by then
I got in trouble for not making friends
it's when I started being a people pleaser I stopped hearing him
to please my dad I just wanted to fit in

later they taught me about Jesus
I went to church desperately seeking my Father but he wasn't there
years of silence went by

I thought I would never hear from him again
and the people who claimed to love him bitterly let me down
still, I persued him the route everyone claimed he could be found

I know the word very well
and many people just never could answer the many questions i had
then one day God revealed himself to me again
I could hear him again, I could feel his presence

He was talking to the children in the neighborhood
he was so kind, he was Father I remembered
since then He's taught me many things
as for innocence I believe she is gift from Him
a sacred part of me that was never lost